Posts Tagged ‘intention’

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The Giving Tree

Tuesday, June 5th, 2012

The past six months have been quite a whirlwind at my house.  J left his very secure position in academia for an exciting and challenging role in corporate America.  This new job has him on the road about half the time, so the whole family is settling into a new equilibrium – which is going surprisingly well.

G finished 2nd grade and started summer camp without incident.  He really likes it and is excited about starting a new school in the fall.

And Pinky too is doing great.  She turns three in a few weeks and has declared herself to be a “super hero princess”.  She runs around the house in a red cape yelling, “I saving the day!”

They’re all doing great.  I take great pride in the fact that their worlds are safe and happy.  I’ve managed all our life transitions, plus a crazy little league schedule, plus lots of community and non-profit work, plus my own ever-changing (in a good way) job, plus a million other things.

All is well.  Except…I can’t sleep.  Except, my confidence is at a low and my weight is at a high.  I have nebulous anxiety and I haven’t been taking care of myself at all.  I feel exhausted, discouraged, over-committed and depleted.

Sigh.  How is it I always find myself back here?  If it feels so good to take excellent care of myself, why do I stop doing it so readily and have to start over so often?  In the car this morning, the image of The Giving Tree came to mind.  As you recall, the big, beautiful tree gave and gave and gave of itself until there was nothing left but a stump.  It’s a good analogy.  I feel like a stump of my former vibrant self.

But why?  My family doesn’t ask for sacrifice – in fact they are extremely supportive of chasing my own joy.  I don’t feel depressed and things are going so well.  So what exactly is my problem?  Is there a martyr somewhere in my subconscious?  Do I create struggle when there doesn’t need to be any?  Am I simply bug shit crazy? (Please accept these as rhetorical questions.  I don’t know that I need honest feedback about my mental health today.  Thank you.)

Doesn’t really matter I suppose.  I have everyone else well-situated and it’s time to turn my energies back to nurturing myself.  Today, I will go back to my own list.  I’m taking a deep breath and beginning again.

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Posted in Intention, nurture, Self | 6 Comments »

An Unintentional Leave of Absence

Monday, November 7th, 2011

My love/hate relationship

For the past several years, I’ve been working on my mind and my spirit.  Demanding Joy is the record of that journey.  A few months ago, my body told me in no uncertain terms that it needed some attention.  You how they say that first your get a whisper, then it gets louder, then a scream?  Well, my body was yelling at me.  Insomnia.  Weight gain.  Joint pain.  Hot flashes.  Problems with my lady bits.  Something was definitely going on.

So I resolved to listen to the signs and do something about it.  For sixty days now, I’ve been working out six or seven days a week and eating a restricted calorie diet.  The good news is that it’s working.  I’ve lost a chunk of weight, my insomnia’s gone, my lady bits are humming along nicely, and I’m generally feeling pretty good.  40 is on the horizon for me and I intend to be fabulous when I get there.

The bad new is that going to the gym everyday and spending an obnoxious amount of time thinking about all the food I can’t eat has become a major time suck.  It has completely distracted me from Demanding Joy.

I would write about the ‘body’ part of ‘mind, body and spirit’, but frankly, I don’t find it that interesting.  I don’t want this blog to turn into a weight loss journal.  I don’t want to write about the merits of the elliptical machine versus the treadmill.  I feel that nurturing my body is important, but it’s mechanical – and boring.

But not writing isn’t good for me either.  That’s what’s up with me – I’ve been sweating rather than writing.  But I love Demanding Joy!  I’m setting the intention to spend more time on these ramblings.  I am grateful to you all for sticking with me.

~Meg

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Posted in Exercise, Intention | 3 Comments »

OK. I May Have Bitten Off More Than I Can Chew.

Wednesday, September 14th, 2011

You might have noticed that it’s been a little quiet here at Demanding Joy lately.  If you feel that I’m neglecting you, please know that you’re in good company.

I’ve been so focused on bringing good and exciting things into my life that I find myself this month up to my eyeballs in good things.  It’s all positive, but I’ll concede – it’s too much.  I overbalanced.

I’m going to the gym six days a week (at 5:30 a.m. for the love of Mike!).  I’m taking a silversmithing class, which I’m enjoying, but I wish I could postpone it for a couple of months.  I’m taking on much, much more responsibility at the office, which makes for very fast-paced days.  I’m involved with a new non-profit organization.  And I still have two energetic, wonderful children who deserve my time and attention.

I thank my lucky stars to have a husband like Willis, without whom this juggling act would be completely unsustainable.

I love writing Demanding Joy and I promise to keep at it.  I have so many ideas – I’m just looking for the time to execute them.  I’m hopeful that my October calendar is less frenetic than September.  In the mean time, I happily and exhaustedly thank you for your support and patience.

Hope you have a joyful day.   ~Meg

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Posted in Abundance, Intention, Self, Stress, Time | 3 Comments »

Donna Brazile is Brilliant

Saturday, September 3rd, 2011

I Stumbled Upon a couple of articles by Donna Brazile that I wish I had written myself.  Enjoy! -

Becoming Unafraid – 4 Things to Make Peace With

4 Ways to Show the World How Amazing You Really Are

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Posted in Control, Fear, Intention, Power, Strength, Stress, Wisdom, Women, Work | No Comments »

Cancel! Cancel!

Thursday, August 18th, 2011

If we could learn to like ourselves, even a little, maybe our cruelties and angers might melt away.             – John Steinbeck

You’re fat. You’re unworthy. You can’t do it.

Would you ever allow someone to speak to you this way?  Would you ever say such mean, nasty words to someone else?  How about when you talk to yourself?  Do you have a bully in your head?

Why is it that compliments are fleeting, but we will internalize an insult and remember it forever?  We so SO hard on ourselves!

When you look in a mirror, what do you think?  Something kind?  Or something mean?

Changing that self-talk from self-deprecating to self-nurturing is difficult to accomplish.  It’s changing a habit that is so deeply ingrained in us, we most often don’t even realize we’re doing it.

The first step in taming your internal bully is to start paying attention to them.  Really tune in to your thoughts and notice how your inner voice speaks to you.  If it’s not nice, correct it.

I have a friend who, when words come out wrong, or a conversation takes a bad turn, she says, “Cancel! Cancel!”  Then she starts over with intention and says what she meant to say.

This has been a great tool for me in retraining my inner bully.  For example, if I see a photo of myself and think, “Jesus Malone!  I look awful.”  I stop and think, “Cancel!  Cancel!…That was a really fun day.  I’m glad I have a photo to remember it.”

Or, driving to a job interview, “Ugh.  What am I doing?  I can’t do this.  I hate this feeling!…Cancel!  Cancel!…Deep breath…You’re going to be great.  Relax.  Worst case scenario, you lose an hour of your time, so go for it!”

Having an inner voice who cheers you on rather than tears you down is an enormous blessing.  It affects everything you do and increases your level of joy.

Give it a shot today – listen to your inner voice and don’t put up with any of its crap!  You are strong, beautiful and capable.  No one, especially you, should be telling you different.

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Posted in Intention, Positivity, Self | 2 Comments »

What Doesn’t Kill Me…

Monday, August 15th, 2011

Sigh.  Aren’t I strong enough already?

Fundamentally, I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason.  All kinds of senselessness happens all around us every day.  It’s a chaotic world.

But I do believe (begrudgingly sometimes) that what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.  And wiser.  And better.

Sometimes the lessons don’t become apparent until much later.  When the lesson of a past hardship becomes clear to me, I’m always annoyed by it at first.  I want to say, “that sucked”, not “That sucked, but in the end there was a silver lining.”  It takes me awhile to process the lesson and be grateful for it.

But in the end, I am grateful.  I’m proud of the hard times I’ve overcome.  Proud of the things I’ve done that I didn’t think I could do.

Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”  When times are tough, keep moving forward.  It will get better.  And I truly believe that there’s a lesson in there somewhere.  We just have to find it.

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Posted in hope, Intention, Strength, Stress | 1 Comment »

Spending Time With Yourself

Friday, August 12th, 2011

I’m trying out a new meditation exercise that I really like.  It may seem a little strange, but stay with me.

After finding a quiet, comfy place, close your eyes and spend a few minutes focusing on your breathing and quieting your mind.  If you’re like me, getting your brain to be still is the hardest part.

After you feel relaxed and in a meditative place, imagine yourself at your very best.  A completely healthy, happy, successful you.  Whatever it is that you would like to change in your life, imagine who you will be once you have accomplished that goal.

In your mind, the current you and the idealized you should spend some time getting to know one another.  For example, in my mind, the current me and the best possible me like to dance together, row a boat in a mountain lake together, even fly together.  I imagine my current self and my ideal self embracing one another.  Sharing secrets.  Enjoying one another’s company.

In this exercise, your ideal self would never criticize your current self, but wants to befriend, support and nurture you.  You love you!

As your current and ideal selves become acquainted, notice not only their differences, but also their similarities.  Feel the joy of achieving your goals and becoming the next iteration of yourself.  Delight in the merging of your ideal self and your pretty-damn-good-already self into one.

Enjoy this quiet time with you.  Keep breathing.  And let me know how it goes!

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Posted in Body Image, Intention, Joy, Self | 1 Comment »

To Ponder This Week:

Friday, July 29th, 2011

How will you respond to the knowledge that the universe is rooting for you?

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Posted in hope, Intention, Positivity, Power, Self | 1 Comment »

Getting Physical

Sunday, July 24th, 2011

I haven’t had a gym membership since my early twenties.  You can tell that by looking at me.  I have never had the time, the disposable income, or frankly, the inclination to work out every day.  At the office, I am surrounded by people who work out.  People who are mostly single and unencumbered, young and athletic.  There are days when I swear working out is the only friggin’ thing they talk about.

For example, we were in an all-day meeting last week and had sandwiches delivered for lunch.  As my manager opened his, the woman sitting next to me quoted (unsolicited, mind you) how many calories were in his sandwich and how long he would need to be on the treadmill to work it off.  Obnoxious, right?

But this is my Year of Vibrancy.  This is also my year of de-schlumpification.  I’m letting my hair grow long again, I’m ditching my glasses for contacts, I’m turning in my white mom tennies for cooler-looking shoes, and I’m working hard at building new dietary habits.  All good things, and I can feel improvements already.  But if I’m really serious about this, which I am, then I need to push aside all my excuses and rationalizations and get my butt moving.

So after some research, Willis and I bought a family membership to the Y.  They offer a range of workout classes at 5:00 a.m.  I’m up anyway at that hour and it will be the smallest possible sacrifice of family time.  I start with yoga and pilates tomorrow morning.

I confess, it feels a lot like anticipating the first day of school.  I don’t know what to expect and that makes me nervous.  I’m jumping outside of my comfort zone for sure.  But I’ll be damned if I let anything (especially skinny people) scare me away, so here I go with my new bag and super cute workout clothes.

Along with my feelings of anxiousness is optimism.  I know this will be good for my health.  It’s also something that’s purely for me, which is exciting for a mom!  I really hope that I find a class that I enjoy.

Sigh.  So here I go.  I’ll let you know what happens.

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Posted in Body Image, Fat, Intention, Self | 12 Comments »

A Big Life

Monday, July 18th, 2011

It occurred to me recently that my life has gotten kind of small.  I go to work and I come home.  That’s about it.

I suppose this is somewhat normal for people with small children.  Kids take up all of your time, energy and focus – and rightfully so.  But now that my youngest is nearly potty trained and fiercely independent, I’m feeling the itch to expand my horizons a bit.

I was discussing this with my sister E this week.  She is my most reliable commiserator (that’s a word!) and confidante.  During our conversation, she told me about a woman she met who was in her 80’s who had run a chicken farm.  And she was a competitive ballroom dancer.  And she was a scuba diving expert who specialized in photographing sharks.  The list of interesting facts about this woman was seemingly endless.

Someday I want to be that old lady looking back on a life full of amazing experiences.  I want to have a big life.  I want to raise my kids and love every moment of their lives, but I also want to speak foreign languages and tap dance, and be a gourmet cook, and travel the world, and be a writer and speaker and mentor.  I want to create lots of different things.  I want to take a class…no, I always want to be taking a class.  I want to be creative and intellectual and worldly.  I want to be fascinated and fascinating.  I want my children to have big lives too based on my example.

So, I enrolled in a silversmithing class this fall and Willis is looking for an Italian instructor for the both of us.  It’s a good start.  I just turned 38.  If I’m lucky, I have 30 or 40 years to fill up with learning and adventure.  To get my life as big as I want it to be, I’d better get started now.

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Posted in Education, Intention, Joy, nurture, Self | 5 Comments »

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