Posts Tagged ‘intention’

Day 1

Monday, July 26th, 2010

How many diets have you been on in your life?  If you’re like me, you lost count long ago.  I think what trips me up  is the dreaded “Day 1″.  There’s so much pressure knowing that today is going to be the make-or-break day that you change all of your habits and become the woman you are in your mind.  Sometimes I approach day 1 with hope and enthusiasm.  Other times, day 1 feels more like a sigh of resignation.  Perhaps I would do well to skip straight to day 12.  That’s enough time to be well on my way, or to have given up already.

Today, I’m having a stressful and hormonal day and I’m eating everything that doesn’t crawl away from me.  So this is not a ‘day 1′ Monday.  Which means that next week, I will want to regain control and build new healthy habits.

I’m resolving to quit having day ones.  I will make healthy choices today or I won’t.  Same with tomorrow.  My goal is evolution rather than revolution.  Perhaps if there’s no stake in the ground that says “today’s the big day!” then I can quit beating myself up and just generally do better.

What do you think?  A wise new perpective?  Or just rationalizing my carb intake?

Paying It Forward

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

A hundred years ago when I was waiting tables for a living, it only took one really good tip to make my whole night a good one.  Likewise, it only took one jerk to ruin a shift.  Isn’t it amazing how it really takes so little to make or break your mood?  One compliment brightens your day and one insult destroys it.

If it takes so little positive energy to have such a large impact, imagine what you could do with an intention of purposefully spread joy?  Try it as an experiment today.  Tell someone that color looks great on them.  Or thank someone who isn’t expecting it.  Wish someone good luck.  Do an act of kindness.  Watch how the other person reacts.  Then notice how it made you feel.

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”   – Mark Twain

PS – Did I mention that you look incredible today?

A No Good Very Bad Day

Friday, May 7th, 2010

I am a huge Oscar fan.

It’s been a tough week.  Not for any big reason, but a bunch of little reasons ganged up on me – any one of which would be insignificant.  Anyway, I feel tired and overwhelmed and taken for granted and generally like poo.

I’ve been blogging about joy for a while now, so I know just what I should do.  I should take a deep breath and think about the many, many things in my life for which I am grateful.  I should stretch my body and take a vitamin.  I should hug my beautiful babies and kiss my handsome husband.  I should take a walk in the sunshine and smile and feel happy.  But I don’t want to do any of that because I feel like poo.

I don’t want balance and serenity and happiness to become yet another unrealistic ideal to which I compare myself.  So I’m going to allow myself this poo day.  I choose to muck around in my grumpiness for a bit.  I feel bad and I don’t want to feel bad about that.

So, I resolve to not be crabby at anyone else – I’ll lay low today.  And I will endeavor not to smother my troubles with carbohydrates – though the urge is very strong.  And tomorrow will be a new day.  In the mean time, I wish a very happy poo day to you.

In the Moment

Friday, March 26th, 2010

Being truly present is new to me.  I have always been the one thinking about what’s coming next, or what I should be doing other than this.  As I am learning to demand my joy, I’m also learning to stop.  And breathe.  And experience where I am right now.  It is absolutely life changing.  I enjoy my relationships more, especially with my husband and children.  I taste my food.  I worry less.  I hear the birds singing and the wind blowing.  I appreciate all the details of the world around me that have for so long gone completely ignored.  I notice and enjoy everything that feels good to my mind, my body and my spirit.  ‘Stop and smell the roses’ means something completely different to me than ever before.  It means, “Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing and experience these beautiful roses.”

Am I finally catching on to the obvious?  Or is transforming from overworked stress ball to simple abundance truly just a shift in perspective?  Either way, it’s pretty awesome.

100 Ways to Nurture Yourself

Monday, March 8th, 2010

Probably the most important component to demanding your joy is learning to take excellent care of yourself – mind, body, and spirit.  Think of caring for yourself as if you were your own child – giving to yourself at least as much as you give to others.  You are worth it!

Like joy itself, self-nurturing comes in many little bits.  Here are 100 of those bits for your consideration.  This is not a checklist – only a list of suggestions.  Please take the ones that speak to you and ignore the rest.  Enjoy!

  1. Put a post-it on your mirror that says, “You look beautiful!” – and then accept the compliment every time you look at yourself.
  2. Buy fresh flowers every now and then. – Brighten up the place.
  3. Used colored pens for no particular reason. – Blue and black are fine, but how about orange?
  4. Take a walk without a destination. – It’s a great way to get some exercise and clear your mind.  Be mindful of what you see, hear and feel.
  5. Take a hot bath. – With bubbles.
  6. Write in a journal. – Write anything that calls you.  Ideas, experiences, dreams, frustrations – get them out of your head and down on paper.
  7. List the things that you’re grateful for. – You can’t help but feel better when you literally count your blessings.
  8. List the things that you like about yourself. – We can all list the things that we don’t like about ourselves.  Turn that around and think about your many positive qualities.
  9. Create something. – Many of us have gotten away from actually making things.  Create some artwork.  Write something.  Build something.  Make something that didn’t exist before.  It can be functional or frivolous – as long as you enjoy the process.
  10. Treat yourself. – We struggle to be disciplined, especially with money and food.  You deserve a reward, right?
  11. Smile. – It’s very difficult to feel bad when your face is happy.
  12. Squash negative thoughts. – Listen to what’s going on in your head and actively quiet the voices of pessimists and critics.  Assume the best, not the worst.
  13. Try something new. – Go out on a limb.  Learn something new.  Do that thing you’ve always wanted to try.  The more experiences you have, the richer your life will be.
  14. Get enough sleep. – Everything is hard when you’re tired.
  15. Meditate. – It takes a little practice at first, but if you find a meditation that works for you, you will be calmer and more peaceful.
  16. Drink plenty of water. – It’s basic, but it’s so good for you.
  17. Stretch. – Before you start your day, take a few minutes for a good muscle stretch.  It just plain feels good.  And, it’s fast, easy and free.
  18. Put some “me time” on your calendar. – When life gets busy, doing things for yourself is the first thing to be sacrificed.  So, actually block out time on your calendar.  Call it a ‘staff meeting’ or something so that no one intrudes on your time.
  19. Call a friend. – Think of someone who you enjoy and ring them up!
  20. Ask for help. – This can be hard.  But it’s so important to recognize when you need a sounding board, or some advice, or an extra pair of hands.
  21. Say no. – Your time is valuable.  Set boundaries to avoid becoming overwhelmed.
  22. Ask for a hug. – We all need one.  So just go get one.  The person you ask probably needs one too.
  23. Delegate. – Hire someone to mow the lawn or scrub the floors.  Teach the kids to do laundry.  Give that project to a co-worker.  You do not have to do it all.
  24. Take a deep breath. – And another.  Now another.  It’s like a mini-break to reset yourself during the day.
  25. Light a candle or use a reed diffuser. – Your sense of smell creates the strongest memories.  Find scents you love and enjoy them.
  26. Claim some space for yourself. – A place where you can go to have a quiet moment to read a book, or meditate, or cry – somewhere that you can get some peace and privacy.
  27. Get out into nature. – Reconnecting with the earth is just good for your soul. Feel the breeze.  Breathe the fresh air.  So good!
  28. Buy the good ice cream. – Even on the tightest of budgets, this is important.
  29. Use lotions & soaps with scents that you love. – It’s a nice way to pamper yourself, plus you’ll smell good all day.
  30. Give a compliment. – Telling someone that they had a fantastic idea or that they look beautiful in that color creates a pleasant environment and makes two people feel good for the price of one.
  31. Listen to music. – Listen to whatever makes you happy.  Can you be grumpy while listening to Gloria Gaynor?  I think not.
  32. Play. – Something we forget as adults.  A board game, a sport, finger painting – find something frivolous and have fun!
  33. Eat foods that you love. – Low fat, low calorie, low carb – blah, blah, blah.  Food is to be enjoyed!  Put food into your body that nourishes you in every way.
  34. Be silly every now and again. – We take ourselves entirely too seriously.  Let go.  Be spontaneous and outrageous!
  35. Laugh. – Sometimes you just need a good laugh to lift your spirits.
  36. Limit screen time. – Too much time in front of computers, TV’s, video games, and blackberries (or all of the above) disconnects you from the world immediately around you and makes your brain mushy.  Make sure that you’re getting plenty of input from the non-virtual world.
  37. Be present. – Be deliberate about experiencing what’s happening right now.  It’s all about the journey – don’t miss yours!
  38. Stop worrying. – It’s going to be fine.  Because it is.
  39. Trust yourself. – You are smart, capable and talented.  You’re choices are just as valid as anyone else’s.  Don’t second guess yourself.
  40. Do something that’s only for you. – Remember that hobby that you used to have time for?  Or that food that no one else in your house likes?  Reclaim it.
  41. Make sure your health is in order. – What’s more important than your health?  See your doctor regularly.  Make sure you are getting the vitamins or supplements that you need.  Advocate for yourself as you would for your child.
  42. Give to someone in need. – Donating your time or your stuff or your money to someone less fortunate makes you feel good and puts your problems into perspective.
  43. Sparkle! – Feeling schlumpy?  Get all dolled up. Wear something schmancy.  It’s a good way to find your strut.
  44. Dance. – It’s inherently joyful.  You can’t be sad if you’re dancing!
  45. Write your own rock star introduction. – Image you’re on tour with thousands of screaming fans.  How will you be introduced?  “Please welcome the brilliant, the amazing, the gorgeous….you!”
  46. Stand up for yourself. – Your needs are important.  Don’t let anyone disregard them.  Pushing back can be scary but it’s empowering too!
  47. Celebrate! (for any reason at all) – Your kid learned to tie his shoes!  Your taxes are done and filed!  The week is more than half over!  Let’s party!
  48. Find a mantra or an affirmation that lifts your spirits. – “Today is a new day.” “I know that life always supports me.” “I get everything that I want.”  Find one that works for you.
  49. Stand tall. – Your spirit can’t soar when you slouch.  You feel much more powerful when you stand up straight and look the world in the eye.
  50. Have sex. – What can I say?  It feels good.
  51. Get a massage. – What can I say?  It feels good.
  52. Choose optimism. – Thinking positive thoughts has a tangible impact on your day and on your life.
  53. Dream big. – You can do anything you set your mind to!
  54. Tune out the naysayers. – People criticize for many reasons, most of which have nothing to do with you.  Follow your heart – not everyone has to get it.
  55. Add color to your surroundings. – Beiges and taupes are pervasive these days.  Depressing.  Make sure that you introduce energetic colors where you work and where you live.
  56. Surround yourself with the things you love. – Photos of loved ones or mementos that bring happy memories.  You should have the stuff that you love all around you.
  57. Declutter. – You should have ONLY the stuff that you love.  Purge everything in your life, both physical and emotional that you don’t honestly need, use or love.  Everything else distracts you from your true intentions and bogs you down.
  58. Stop procrastinating. – Procrastination is a form of perfectionism.  Accept that it’s not going to be perfect and just get it over with.  Image how great it will feel to not have it hanging over your head any more!
  59. Listen to your inner voice. – Your instincts are good.  It’s important to listen to your own head and heart.
  60. Cut yourself some slack. – Arguably the most important tip on this list.  We hold ourselves to impossible standards and then beat ourselves up when we don’t meet them.  Would you be this hard on anyone else?
  61. Slow down. – When you’re living your life at top speed, you’re missing most of it.  Stop and take a breath.  Look for ways to adopt a more humane pace.
  62. Identify your passion. – What do you love?  Do you have a non-profit organization that you feel passionate about?  Are you passionate about water polo?  How about 14th century Portuguese literature?  Find something in your life that really floats your boat.
  63. Toot your own horn. – You’re awesome.  Please make sure that everyone knows it.
  64. Move your body. – Run and jump and climb a tree.  Take a tap dancing class.  Power walk.  Anything that feels good that gets your blood moving.  The only limitation:  it has to be fun.  Don’t get on a treadmill if you hate the treadmill.
  65. Invest in really good bras. – This one is gender-specific, obviously.  You feel much better about yourself when you’re hoisted up properly.  So stand tall and salute the sun ladies!
  66. Purge things that aren’t good for you. – Unhealthy foods, cigarettes, a miserable work environment, toxic people – do what you have to do to set boundaries and demand the highest quality of life.  You deserve it.  Things that don’t nourish and support you – think about how you might be rid of them.
  67. Limit your news consumption. – It’s important to be well-informed, but the non-stop feed of earthquakes and plane crashes and economic crisis and war is not good for us.  Be deliberate in finding a balance that’s best for you.  Once you’ve seen today’s news cycle, turn it off.
  68. Say yes to life. – Opportunities are everywhere.  Take a class, join a team, go bungee jumping.  When new things present themselves to you – jump at the chance.
  69. Stop hating your body. – If the women of the world took all of the time, energy and money that we spend on hating our bodies and turned it towards something productive, there would be no war, poverty or disease left on the planet.  Your body is your body.  Nobody’s looking at your physical flaws because they’re all too busy trying to hide their own.  Let’s give ourselves a break and let it go.
  70. Sing loudly. – in the shower and the care and anywhere else you like.  With reckless abandon.
  71. Be kind. – Being nice to someone else.  You will have made the world a better place.  What feels better than that?
  72. Tell someone you love them. – We often forget to say it out loud.  It matters.
  73. Take all of your vacation days. – You earned them.  Don’t give them back to your company for nothing.
  74. Play hooky. – Call in sick once in awhile when you’re not sick.  Use the day to pamper yourself (not to catch up on errands or housework).
  75. Take pride in the hard times that you have overcome. – What didn’t kill you made you stronger.  It wasn’t easy, but you did it!
  76. Let someone else be in charge for a while. – Other people can be responsible while you do something for yourself.
  77. Don’t answer the phone unless it’s someone you want to talk to right now. – Some people find it difficult not to answer a ringing phone, but it’s liberating once you learn to ignore it or even better, just turn it off.
  78. Have faith. – It’s going to work out.  The future is bright!
  79. Take a personal inventory. – Does your behavior match your true intentions?  If there’s a disconnect, you’re carrying a heavy weight.
  80. Go on a retreat. – For a couple of minutes or a couple of days, get away for a bit to re-energize.
  81. Put your finances in order. – Money problems are enormously stressful.  Paying off debt where possible, putting bills on automatic payment, and working with a financial planner if necessary can all help to ease the strain.
  82. Eliminate all expectations of perfection. – In fact, eliminate the word ‘perfect’ from your vocabulary.  If you expect yourself to be perfect, you will never stop beating yourself up.
  83. Find a good way to blow off steam. – Bottling it up indefinitely will probably end badly.
  84. Be who you are. – your authentic, true self.
  85. Spend some time alone for quiet reflection. – We spend all of our time go, go, going.  Try stopping to think about your life, your goals, and your dreams.
  86. Keep your words positive. – Happiness and complaints cannot coexist.
  87. Let light and fresh air into your house. – Sunlight is a must.  Open up those windows!
  88. Turn off your e-mail, cell phone, blackberry, fax, etc. for a while. – It’s not healthy to be accessible 24/7.
  89. Pare down your to-do list. – Feeling overwhelmed?  What’s on your list that can be delegated, avoided, or jettisoned?
  90. Avoid boredom. – Keep your brain active to keep the blues at bay.
  91. Make your home a haven. – Your home should be a place where you can take a breath and really relax.  If it isn’t, you may have some work to do.
  92. Be stingy with your time and energy. – Both are precious and should be spent on things that really matter to you.
  93. Let go. – 80% of everything is irrelevant.  Focus on the other 20.
  94. Minimize multi-tasking. – Yeah, women are supposed to be good at it, but that doesn’t make it good for us.
  95. Break your routine once in awhile. – Get out of a rut and into a groove.
  96. Take action! – If something isn’t right in your life, fix it!
  97. Plan ahead. – With a few minutes of organizing your time and to-do’s, you will be better prepared to take on the day.
  98. Intentionally enjoy your journey. – As you go through your days, look around.  Be present with what you see, hear and feel.  You might be amazed at what you’ve been missing.
  99. Spend time with people who make you happy. – Who nourishes and supports you?  Surround yourself with those people.
  100. Enjoy your kids. – It’s easy to rush through the day without really connecting with them.  Make a conscious effort to talk with them about their day.
  101. Avoid self-deprivation. – When it comes to food, it’s OK to cut back on things that aren’t good for you (sweet, sweet carbohydrates), but if you feel deprived, it’s probably not maintainable, creating a vicious circle of cheating and guilt.
  102. Forget the word “should”. – Instead of doing what you think you’re supposed to, follow your own path.
  103. Pay attention to your energy. – Are you most productive first thing in the morning?  Are you sluggish after lunch?  Honor your natural cycles and plan accordingly.

OK, that’s more than 100.  I got carried away.

Here are a couple of books I recommend that helped me to nurture myself when I was feeling less than inspired:

Stand Up for Your Life
You Can Heal Your Life
Choose Them Wisely:  Thoughts Become Things

80% of Everything is Irrelevant

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Over the years, I’ve spent an incredible amount of energy on things that, in retrospect, don’t matter one bit.  Because I have a type A personality and prefer things to be under control, I have worked really hard to ensure that everything is just so.  I have recopied meeting notes so that they look neater.  I have stayed late at the office making spreadsheets tidier.  I have organized and reorganized cabinets so that I always know where everything is.  I’m sure that there is some very interesting psychology behind this behavior, but I don’t think I care to delve into it.  I will choose blissful ignorance about my psyche.  All I know is I was a freak.  I completely wore myself out mentally and physically.  And in all honesty, I haven’t been the easiest person to live with.

Before I even had children, I was spreading myself too thin.  A friend gave me a book, “Perfectionism: a Sure Cure for Happiness”.  And it was.  Right around the time I turned 30, I made a concerted effort to chill out.  I took on the mantra “Good enough is good enough.”  I was doing pretty well, I thought, in reassessing what was important and what was not and sure enough, life got a little easier.

And then…babies.  What is it they say? – We make plans and God laughs?  Keeping track of the little details became a sheer impossibility.  Before, I was the first one in the office each morning.  Now, if I could get there at all without spit up on my suit, I considered the day a success.  I went from one extreme to the other and again, I was struggling just to get through the days.

Today, I count ‘balance vs. control’ as one of the many life lessons that I chose to learn the hard way.  I think I’ve got a pretty good handle on the 200 things each day that do matter, such as changing diapers, filling bellies, paying the mortgage and teaching G how to read.  I am also acutely aware of the 800 other things that don’t matter at all like PTA committees and networking receptions and sadly, clean countertops.  It is by no means easy, but I’m much more comfortable with my perspective on it.

The good life is messy to be sure, but it is good.

Hello World!

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

Hi everyone, I’m Meg.  For the past 36 years, I have made my way through life with a respectable number of accomplishments and at least my fair share of stumbles.  I use every ounce of my energy trying to be a good wife and mother while juggling a full-time, high-stress job and all the other minutiae of life.

Like most moms, I am worn out!  I long for a different kind of life, where I take excellent care of myself and my family and everything gets done with ease and confidence.  In my dream life, I have plenty of time to read books and play in the park with my kids and get regular massages and have a hobby and sleep in.  I refuse to believe that nurturing myself is an impossible dream!

So I have been contemplating – how can I make some changes and do a little better for myself.  Then I spotted a pattern – I felt that my struggles and insecurities were unique to me and something that I just had to deal with.  But any time I talk with other women I consistently hear, “Me too!” and “ Yeah, don’t you hate that?”  That little bit of validation always changes my perspective and makes me feel better, but then I go back to my daily juggle and continue to feel alone and put upon.  I’m not a slow learner!  So why am I doing this to myself?

I decided to begin this blog to honor our shared experience as women.  To snag as many bits of happiness as I possibly can and to really learn the lessons that life is offering.  I refuse to slog through my days like a drone any longer.  I will be awake!  I will learn from my experiences.  I will recognize my blessings.  I will do better for myself.  I will demand joy!

I hope you will join me on this journey.  Here we go! -
Meg