Happiness « Demanding Joy

Posts Tagged ‘Happiness’

Non-Linear Joy

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

I am a very structural and analytical thinker. Perhaps that’s why demanding my joy has been a challenge for me. My expectation is that if I do activity A, I will achieve result B. This has proven to be a ridiculous expectation.

It would be nice if I could put a check mark on my list next to “get happy” and call it done. But alas, that’s not how it works. I’ll be happy when…I meet Prince Charming, when I win the lottery, when I lose 20 pounds. Nope. The answer is always “Now.” I can find joy in this very moment, or not.

Joy is available to us at all times, but usually in little bits to be noticed and harvested rather than in the big hunks that most of us are waiting for. You often have to be still and present to see them, but there they are – those little bits of randomly floating happiness just waiting to be plucked. And even when you develop the habit of recognizing and grabbing those smidgeons of joy, the energy of it ebbs and flows. Joy needs nurturing and maintenance. The work of being joyful gets easier with practice and it’s absolutely worth the effort, but that work is never done. Fortunately, joy is cumulative. The more bits you claim, the happier you are!

Just like laundry and dishes, you have to make joy anew every day. Ha! What a dismal analogy for something so wonderful!

So take a moment to look around you throughout the day today. The first sip of coffee, a soft pillow, saying good morning to your family, hitting that green traffic light, warm sunshine, comfy shoes, your favorite song…How many little pieces of happiness can you find that you usually overlook? By focusing on them and giving them each gratitude, even for just a moment – How do you feel?

Tags: Happiness, Joy
Posted in Joy | 2 Comments »

50 Lists to Write to Lift Your Spirits

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

As a structural thinker, I love to make lists. Getting everything out of my head and down on paper in an orderly fashion puts me at ease. Rather than grocery lists and to-do lists, try some of these. They’re sort of an inventory of your life and all the good things in it. If your brain is more creative, your lists can be graphical or in the form of a mind map – whatever speaks to you. This is a brainstorming activity, so list as many as you can without editing or limiting yourself. There are no wrong answers – this is for you and about you. Enjoy!

List as many as you can:

People who have influenced or inspired you
Things you are grateful for
Places you have been
Places you want to go
Books you’ve read
Your favorite things – what brings you joy?
Good things that happened this week
The best things that happened in the last year
The best days of your life.
The songs for the soundtrack of your life
Acts of kindness you’ve committed
Things you want your children to know about you
Reasons why you love your significant other
The high points for your autobiography
People who love you
The cutest things your kids ever said
Everything you would do if money were no object
Favorite gifts you’ve ever received
Favorite gifts you’ve ever given
Occupations that you have ever wanted to have (including when you were a child)
The best advice you’ve gotten.
The worst advice you’ve gotten.
Things you’re procrastinating
Ways you calm yourself down when you’re angry.
The best ideas you’ve ever had
The best projects or organizations you’ve ever been involved with
The ways you have grown since your early 20’s
The most beautiful things you’ve ever seen
The greatest lessons you have learned
Life’s lessons that you learned the hard way
Things that have mad you laugh until you cried.
Qualities you most admire in others
Qualities others most admire in you
The elements of an ideal year
All the compliments you’ve ever gotten
Foods that you have eaten that are so good that others could hear you enjoying them
The times you have asserted yourself
Things that inspire and energize you
The places where you feel completely comfortable to be yourself
The most important turning points in your life
Times when you looked and felt your absolute best
The things you’re good at
What you would do with the power of invisibility
Things you want to teach your children
Things you still want to do in life
Bits of trivia that most people don’t know about you
The things you love about your body
Accomplishments you are most proud of
The things you love about your home
Who (living or dead) you would invite to your dream dinner party

Tags: Gratitude, Happiness, lists
Posted in Gratitude, Positivity, Wisdom | 3 Comments »

Pinky Speaks!

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

The baby is 8 months old now. She’s fairly opinionated and maker her wishes known quite clearly. However, she is just beginning to be verbal. She knows that singing is “lalala”. When Willis walks into the room, she lights up and proclaims, “Da!” But the word that is the clearest is “Mama” and it’s the best thing ever.

Tags: Happiness, Joy, Kids
Posted in Joy, Kids | 1 Comment »

Everyone Gets To Be Happy

Friday, February 5th, 2010

I watched an interview with Soledad O’Brien a while back. She was asked about the fact that she works and travels when she has young children at home. She talked about her juggle for a bit and then she said something brilliant, “Everyone gets to be happy at our house and that includes me.” I love that! She demands her joy.

This, of course, led me to look at my own household. I was operating under the mindset that I had to sacrifice to provide happiness to Willis and the kids. I resented the fact that Willis had his hobbies and I didn’t. The difference between us was that he did his thing without apology. I felt like I had to apologize for taking time for myself.

I resolved to get a grip. I can take a class (or a bath) and it doesn’t cost my family anything. In fact, the adage, “Happy wife, happy life” has proven true at our house. Since I have learned to demand my own joy, we’re all having a lot more fun. They’re better off when I’m happy.

So here’s the question. No one ever told me that my family’s happiness rested on my toiling martyrdom, so why did I assume that was required of me? I know that this phenomenon of unquestioning automatic sacrifice is common among us. Why? Where did we learn that we are to provide happiness but we’re not worthy of it ourselves?

Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Tags: Happiness, self, Women
Posted in Joy, Wisdom, Women | 5 Comments »

I’ve Turned the Positivity Corner!

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

Willis & G were out at a swimming lesson last night. Pinky and I were at home. I had just given her a bottle and we were settling in to watch a little TV before the boys came home. As I looked down at her beautiful, sweet little face, she opened her mouth as if to tell me something and spit up all over me.

This was more than a little spit up. Have you ever seen The Exorcist? I swear she threw up more than she ate. It was more like she threw up her own body weight. And not only was it all down the front of my sweater, but I was wearing a V-neck, so yes indeed! – She threw up INTO my sweater.

It was kind of a moment frozen in time. It took a minute for my brain to comprehend that I had warm, used soy formula in my bra. But eventually, the synapses fired. I held her close to me to keep it form dripping down to the carpet and we rushed to the bathroom as one big pukey mess, thanking my lucky stars the whole way that Willis was not here to comment on this.

What followed was the least sexy two girl bathing scene ever. Twenty minutes later, we snuggled back up in the TV room, both with fresh warm pajamas and smelling like baby shampoo. Pinky smiled when I told her she was a disgusting little creature.

I realized something. If this had happened a year ago, it would have been an “Oh shit!” moment. I would have complained about the laundry. Griped about Pinky’s aim. Lamented that this was just one more mess that I had to clean up. But I didn’t do any of that. My thoughts were, “Oh good, none got on the furniture” and “She’s not sick, her tummy just didn’t want that one evidently.” I just dealt with it and it didn’t occur to me to be angry or upset. The evening was not ruined at all. In fact, she was due for a bath any way, so I unexpectedly got that checked off my to do list.

I’ve been saying for some time that being positive does not come naturally for me, but I’m working at it. Apparently, I’ve turned a corner. A very yucky corner, but I’m pleased nonetheless.

Tags: Happiness, Kids, Positivity
Posted in Kids, Meg, Positivity | 6 Comments »

I’ll Be Happy When…

Friday, January 1st, 2010

fireworks

We can all finish this sentence, right? I’ll be happy when I get that promotion. When I win the lottery. When I meet my Prince Charming. When I lose 10 pounds. It’s false logic really. The reality is that Prince Charming will leave his dirty socks on the floor. Those ten pounds have ten more friends. That winning lottery ticket will bring the IRS and needy relatives. I’ll be happy when…when?!

How about right now? If your body is as athletic right now as it’s ever going to be, are you going to give up on life? If your savings account never gets any fuller, are you destined never to be happy? Of course not.

Instead of focusing energy on what’s missing, I challenge you to begin to really notice and appreciate your blessings. This sounds easy, but it’s not. For most of us, feeling inadequate in one way or another is as natural as inhaling and exhaling. The first step is to really tune in to what’s going on in your head and try to make it a nicer place in there.

Instead of looking in the mirror first thing in the morning and thinking, “Ugh.”, try thinking (or even better, say it our loud) “Good morning, Beautiful!” Instead of thinking “Yeah, like I need to eat more calories today”, try “I am so grateful for this delicious food.” Turn “This car is a piece of crap” into “I bet I’m warmer than the people on the bus.”

When you really start paying attention to your thoughts, you may be surprised at just how much negativity and defeatism is in there. I certainly was.

Please don’t put your joy on hold for anything. Choose joy. There is good and bad in every day. Give your attention and energy to the good. What you put your energy into will flourish. What you ignore will wither. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Wishing you happiness in the new year! –
Meg

Tags: Gratitude, Happiness
Posted in Gratitude | 3 Comments »

The Happiness Fairy

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

I belong to a circle of brilliant women who meet once a month to work on Living Intentionally. I’m sure that I’ll write more about this circle – it’s had a huge impact on my life and was the impetus for starting this blog. Anyway, I forget what specifically we were talking about, but one of my friends brought a doll that she had made. It was really cool – she had a very curvy body and lots of long, thick hair. She was a beautiful, voluptuous woman – an anti-Barbie. The doll is her Happiness Fairy. A nice reminder to focus on the joy in her life.

I’m taken with this idea. I’ve never had dolls, but I for sure want a magical godmother who sprinkles happiness into my life! My first instinct was to offer her a handsome sum of money for the doll, but that would be inappropriate.

So I began a search for my own happiness fairy. A symbol of my own good fortune and a reminder to claim the joy in my life that’s always there for the taking, but most often ignored. I’m hanging her up in Inspiration Point!

Happiness Fairy