Posts Tagged ‘girls’

Keeping in Touch

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

I confess that I’m not great about keeping in touch with friends.  I’m busy, they’re busy, time passes.  I’m always amazed (and intimidated) by women who remember other people’s birthdays and anniversaries AND find the time and energy to send a card.  Most of my friends and I have an understanding – I love you.  I think of you often.  If you need me, just say the word and I’ll be there.  Otherwise, I‘ll talk to you in a couple of months.

This weekend, one of my oldest and dearest friends was in town and she and I were able to ditch make arrangements for our children and sneak away for a whole afternoon together.

We had a 2-cocktail lunch and a fun afternoon of chatting and laughing and shopping.  I had almost forgotten what it felt like to have a long, meaningful talk with an adult woman friend.  I had forgotten how good it feels to be with someone whose situation is similar to my own.  With someone who gets me.  With someone who says, “Yes!  Me too.”  It was a really happy day and one that left me feeling validated, hopeful and empowered.

I don’t know specifically at what point I let my friendships go dormant.  When we all had babies I suppose.  But I want them back now.  I need it, which means they probably do too.

So, I’m setting an intention to start making more of an effort to be a more present friend.  I’m scheduling lunch dates and family get togethers.  Today I give thanks for my relatively small circle of girlfriends.  I can’t even think where I would be without them.

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Posted in Friendship, Women | 3 Comments »

5 Lessons We Should Stop Teaching Girls

Monday, April 5th, 2010

“Men who don’t like women with brains don’t like women.”
- Mignon McLaughlin

As the mother of a daughter, I want to be deliberate in how I raise her with the hope that she can avoid the hang-ups and pitfalls that I have wrestled with.  While I have learned countless invaluable lessons from the women who raised, nurtured and mentored me, there are a few things that I wish we, as women, could un-learn.

Clear your plate. Whether you’re hungry or not, keep eating until all of the food is gone.  Take one look at me and you will know that I took this one to heart.
New lesson: We don’t want to be wasteful, so don’t put too much on your plate.  Listen to your body.  When you feel full, stop eating.

Be ladylike. How many of us suppress our thoughts and feelings because we don’t want to inconvenience anyone with them?
New lesson: Be considerate, but always speak your mind!

Ambition is not an attractive quality. And thus we limit ourselves.
New lesson: Reach for the stars.  Toot your own horn.  Conquer the world.  And make a ton of money while you’re at it.

It’s not polite to talk about money. Women miss out on hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of a career because we’re not comfortable negotiating on our own behalf.
New lesson: Be discreet, but know what you’re worth and say so.  Once you earn it, you need to know how to manage it for yourself too.

He pushed you down on the playground because he likes you. What?!?
New lesson: No one gets to touch you without your permission.  Boys who really like you will not be mean to you.  He pushed you down because he’s an asshole.  Tell a grown-up and if it happens again, knock his block off.

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Posted in Kids, Wisdom, Women | 11 Comments »

Why the Hell Is Everything Pink?!

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

<<Rant Alert>>

As a non-girly girl myself and the mother of a young daughter, I would like an explanation as to why, in the year 2010, we as a society are still pushing outdated and frankly, offensive gender roles on children.  Why does the McDonalds drive through ask if you want a boy toy or a girl toy with a happy meal?  What if I have boy who wants the princess or a girl who wants the robot?  Harassing the teenager at the cash register wouldn’t solve anything and would just make me look like a kook.

Toys R Us, which I avoid at all costs anyway, pisses me off every time I go in.  Tell me why action figures are only for boys and kitchen sets are only for girls.  And everything for girls is pink!  An ocean of pink.  Even the board games are pink!  Why?!  What purpose does it serve to insist that girls be sweet and docile and boy be active and war-like? (Guns as toys may very well be a later rant.)  Teaching girls to be “lady-like” is NOT preparing them for life.  I can’t even count how many grown women I know who are still trying to overcome that early childhood training to be nice – in other words, passive.

We went out to buy Pinky a new winter coat.  Want one that’s not pink?  Tough shit for you!  They evidently only manufacture pink. (By the way, we call her Pinky because when she gets really mad, her whole body turns fuscia.  Definitely not lady-like)

The world will have millions of opportunities to make Pinky doubt herself as she grows up.  Is it too much to ask that she be given at least a year or two to develop her own personality and preferences?  If at that point, she wants to be a pink princess, then fine – I’ll get over it.  Based on her personality, she will probably want to wear pink sequins, while playing full-contact football.

I want both of my children to have every opportunity, to seek authentic happiness, and to feel at ease with who they are.  Is that too much to ask?  I did some research and I’m happy (and relieved) to report that I’m not the only ranting mom.  Check out Pink Stinks.  A campaign in the UK for seeking out true, realistic role models for girls and for calling out corporations that manufacture products for children and perpetuate the narrow interpretation of what girls should like.

I’m going now to dress my baby girl in green and pour myself a cocktail.

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Posted in Kids | 8 Comments »