Over the years, I’ve spent an incredible amount of energy on things that, in retrospect, don’t matter one bit. Because I have a type A personality and prefer things to be under control, I have worked really hard to ensure that everything is just so. I have recopied meeting notes so that they look neater. I have stayed late at the office making spreadsheets tidier. I have organized and reorganized cabinets so that I always know where everything is. I’m sure that there is some very interesting psychology behind this behavior, but I don’t think I care to delve into it. I will choose blissful ignorance about my psyche. All I know is I was a freak. I completely wore myself out mentally and physically. And in all honesty, I haven’t been the easiest person to live with.
Before I even had children, I was spreading myself too thin. A friend gave me a book, “Perfectionism: a Sure Cure for Happiness”. And it was. Right around the time I turned 30, I made a concerted effort to chill out. I took on the mantra “Good enough is good enough.” I was doing pretty well, I thought, in reassessing what was important and what was not and sure enough, life got a little easier.
And then…babies. What is it they say? – We make plans and God laughs? Keeping track of the little details became a sheer impossibility. Before, I was the first one in the office each morning. Now, if I could get there at all without spit up on my suit, I considered the day a success. I went from one extreme to the other and again, I was struggling just to get through the days.
Today, I count ‘balance vs. control’ as one of the many life lessons that I chose to learn the hard way. I think I’ve got a pretty good handle on the 200 things each day that do matter, such as changing diapers, filling bellies, paying the mortgage and teaching G how to read. I am also acutely aware of the 800 other things that don’t matter at all like PTA committees and networking receptions and sadly, clean countertops. It is by no means easy, but I’m much more comfortable with my perspective on it.
The good life is messy to be sure, but it is good.
[...] 80% of everything is irrelevant [...]