Archive for the ‘Stress’ Category

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What Nourishes You?

Wednesday, August 18th, 2010

A while back, my work team took the Myers Briggs personality assessment.  Then we had a day of training about how our personality types impact our leadership styles and our interaction with each other.  I don’t know how useful the time was, but it was a fun day.  Something in particular that sticks in my memory is our discussion of introversion and extroversion.  The way it was defined was whether or not being around a lot of people in energizing (extroverts) or taxing (introverts).  As an introvert (an INTJ to be precise), I’m more than happy to be around lots of people, but I need to recharge by being alone for awhile. I really like to be alone.

It’s funny how different people respond so differently to the same things.  Some love running.  To them, it’s invigorating and relaxing.  For me, running is more like punishment.  I am happy to spend a whole day with my spouse.  For others, that’s entirely too much togetherness.

When I look at all the things I do in a week, I’m afraid that I don’t see a balance between things that energize me and things that are chores.  Being an INTJ, I made a list – what feeds my spirit and brings me joy? Versus what drains me emotionally and physically?  My goal is to lengthen the first list and minimize the second.

How balanced would your two lists be?  Is your spirit getting enough nourishment?

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Posted in Stress, nurture | 4 Comments »

Just For Fun

Friday, August 13th, 2010

When is the last time you did something silly for no other purpose than fun?  If you’re like me, up to your eyeballs in diapers and spreadsheets, you can’t remember the last time.  Adulthood can sometimes suck, so let’s reclaim a bit of childhood and try something frivolous today.  Here are some suggestions:

  • Build something out of Legos
  • Log roll down a grassy hill
  • Play with Silly Putty
  • Blow bubbles through a straw
  • Make a silly face at someone who isn’t expecting it
  • Twirl around and make yourself dizzy
  • Make up a song and sing it loudly on the spot
  • Dress up in a crazy costume – not for Halloween

Think about something silly you used to love as a kid.  Now go do it.  Do you smile just thinking about it?  Please let me know what your silly thing is and how it makes you feel.

Enjoy!

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Posted in Joy, Stress | 1 Comment »

He’s Fine

Wednesday, August 4th, 2010

I’m going to tell you the end of the story first – he’s OK.

I got “the call” Tuesday afternoon to come pick up G from camp.  He was complaining of a headache.  When I got there, his head hurt, but he was otherwise fine – talkative, antsy, fine.  So I took him home, gave him some Tylenol and turned on the kind of violent and insipid cartoons that he likes so much.  HE WAS FINE.

In the next 15 minutes, he spiked a 102.5° fever, his eyes got heavy and bloodshot, and his whole body started to hurt.  Then he complained that it hurt when he moved his neck.  My 6-year-old boy said, “Mommy, I want to go to the hospital right now.”  This completed the meningitis checklist, so off we went to the doctor’s office.  In the car, his head kept bobbing.  I couldn’t tell if he was losing consciousness or not and it completely freaked me out.  Mercifully, they got him in right away.  The doctor poked and prodded.  At this point, G was having a hard time sitting up and keeping his eyes open.

The pediatrician ruled out meningitis and other scary emergency diagnoses, but didn’t know what the problem was.  So he gave G some ibuprofen and sent us home, where I put him straight to bed.  45 minutes later when I checked on him, I couldn’t wake him up.  His fever was still raging.  He was mumbling incoherently and couldn’t tell me his name.  Panic began to set in.

Willis scooped him out of bed and carried him to the car.  Off they went, rushing to the emergency room, leaving me alone with Pinky, trying not to let my mind go to the darkest and most frightening places it could find.

20 minutes later, Willis called.  G’s fever apparently broke in the car.  G asked to go to the bathroom and while they were there, he perked up as if someone flipped a switch.  Whatever this was left just as quickly as it came.  G bounced back through my door, completely back to normal.  By 8:00 that night, I was griping at him to quit jumping on the bed and he’s been fine ever since.

After a stiff drink and a good cry, I’m fine too I guess – other than my lingering sense of “WTF?!”

So today, I am grateful for my beautiful, healthy babies.  And for all of the people who were concerned and supportive.  And for the fact that we are fortunate enough to have medical care when too many do not.  And that he’s OK.  And that there’s a happy (although still mysterious) ending to the day’s drama.

Deep breath.  He’s fine.

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Posted in Fear, Gratitude, Kids, Stress | 6 Comments »

Letter to My 21-Year-Old Self

Monday, May 31st, 2010

Dear Me –
At 21, you are smart, beautiful and ambitious.  When asked what your long-term goals are, your pat answer is “world domination”…and you mean it.  You have the energy and the skills to kick butt and take names and your future is blindingly bright.  There’s only one thing that I, as your mid-thirties self, would change about you.

It will sound silly to you now, but I want you to learn to take better care of yourself.  No one is ever as hard on you as you are on yourself.  The self-imposed pressure you feel to work harder and be stronger will take its toll on you.  I want you to work less and smile more.  To worry less and play more.  To focus less on the end goal and more on enjoying the journey.  The sooner you embrace the idea of nurturing yourself, the happier you will be.

One way to do that is to know that the whole ‘good girl’ thing is WAY over rated.  Really give some thought to what you want and what you love to do.  Stop making life decisions based on what you think you’re supposed to do.  Your attempts to please the world will lead you in a difficult and ultimately pointless direction.  Just do what you want – it will be better than OK.

Another way to nurture yourself is to embrace the knowledge that you look gorgeous!  For heaven sake, spend less time, energy and money worrying that you don’t.  Honey, just enjoy it while it lasts.  Because it turns out that your body isn’t so good at pregnancy.  Your children, although healthy and beautiful, will do irreparable damage to your body.  You may not believe it now, but they are more than worth the sacrifice.  It would be nice though to have your cheekbones, waistline, and spinal integrity back.  But I digress.

Because you’re you, you rarely choose a smooth path.  Doing things the hard way seems to be interwoven into your DNA.  It toughens you, which is a mixed blessing.  The life that you make for yourself includes incredible highs and wrenching lows.  But you are far, far more blessed than most.  So loosen your grip a little and enjoy your life – it’s a good one.

I love you -

M

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Posted in Body Image, Stress, Wisdom, Women | 2 Comments »

Graduation

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Lemons:
Five minutes after my husband tells me he’s going to be out of town next week, I read the flier announcing the kindergarten graduation ceremony.  Kindergarten graduation?!  Come on!  Can’t the school year just end?  Now I have to find a sitter for the baby, go and socialize with the PTA moms, most of whom I don’t care for at all and sit through this nonsensical waste of my precious time all for something my kid doesn’t care about and won’t remember any way.

Lemonade:
This is an opportunity for my mom to spend some alone time with Pinky while I’m out.  The school is good about keeping these things short and sweet so we’ll get in and out and then I’ll take my sweet boy out for dinner, just the two of us.  How often do I get the chance to buy him an ice cream cone and tell him how proud I am of him?

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Posted in Positivity, Stress | 2 Comments »

A No Good Very Bad Day

Friday, May 7th, 2010

I am a huge Oscar fan.

It’s been a tough week.  Not for any big reason, but a bunch of little reasons ganged up on me – any one of which would be insignificant.  Anyway, I feel tired and overwhelmed and taken for granted and generally like poo.

I’ve been blogging about joy for a while now, so I know just what I should do.  I should take a deep breath and think about the many, many things in my life for which I am grateful.  I should stretch my body and take a vitamin.  I should hug my beautiful babies and kiss my handsome husband.  I should take a walk in the sunshine and smile and feel happy.  But I don’t want to do any of that because I feel like poo.

I don’t want balance and serenity and happiness to become yet another unrealistic ideal to which I compare myself.  So I’m going to allow myself this poo day.  I choose to muck around in my grumpiness for a bit.  I feel bad and I don’t want to feel bad about that.

So, I resolve to not be crabby at anyone else – I’ll lay low today.  And I will endeavor not to smother my troubles with carbohydrates – though the urge is very strong.  And tomorrow will be a new day.  In the mean time, I wish a very happy poo day to you.

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Posted in Positivity, Stress | 4 Comments »

Playing Hooky

Friday, April 9th, 2010

Perhaps I should become a woman of leisure.

I called in sick to work yesterday.  My only symptoms were tiredness and crankiness, but I looked at my strangely empty calendar for the day and thought, “Fuck it.  I’m staying home.”  I threw on jeans and a hat and dropped off the kids early to avoid being spotted and having to explain myself.

When I got back to the house, I closed the door behind me and let the silence fill up my ears.  Imagine Maria dancing on the mountain in The Sound of Music.  This is precisely how I felt.  A whole day lay in front of me without obligations of any kind.  Being chore-free happens maybe once a year and the freedom makes me giddy.

How did I spend my special day?  First I went back to bed.  I read 50 pages of a novel (UNINTERRUPTED!!) and then slept 2½  hours.  Got up and had cheese and crackers and popsicles for lunch.  I sat on the couch to read the news online and watched a movie (UNINTERRUPTED!!).  At 3:00, I decided to brush my teeth and take a shower.

I feel rested and calm and decidedly un-cranky.

Maybe next time I play hooky, I’ll get a massage and invite someone to lunch and take a walk in the woods, but I am filled with gratitude for my day of simple solitude taking care of me.  Yay!

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Posted in Rest, Stress, Work | 3 Comments »

Giving Myself a Break

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

Put it down already!

When I first started my job nine years ago, I was itching to take the world by storm and make a name for myself.  I volunteered for every extra project I could get my hands on.  I attended every stinkin’ company bowling outing, every boring training opportunity, every torturous cocktail reception.  I was a little ball of ambition and I worked every weekend to prove myself.

After two years of this, I started to get tired.  I wanted to reclaim my free time and after mulling it over for a ridiculously long time, I decided that I was going to stop working weekends.  I thought that if they didn’t know what I could do by now, they never would.  So I was taking a stand!  I was claiming my right to work-life balance!  So there!

That weekend, I defiantly stayed home.  I walked into the office on Monday morning (early) expecting some sort of reaction to my Sunday absence.

No one noticed.

The work was still there waiting for me.  No comments from anyone.  No repercussions whatsoever.  I felt like an idiot.  No one had ever asked me to put in extra hours.  The pressure I felt to go above and beyond was in my own head.

Lesson learned.  Or so I thought.

Fast forward eight years.  Still working but now I had two small children.  I have never worked so hard in my life.  I left the office promptly at five because my other full-time job was waiting for me at home.  I was exhausted and overwhelmed and completely at the end of my rope.

So I said to my husband, “I need you to pick up the kids tomorrow and give them dinner.  I have a massage appointment.”  I was ready for his objections.  I was all prepared to be angry about the imbalance of work in our relationship and the injustice of my life.  I was going to stand up to him and demand some time for myself.  I was caught completely off guard when he said pleasantly, “I’m happy to.  Enjoy your massage.”

Sigh.  Once again I had taken a big stand and set some personal boundaries and no one noticed.  The burden I carried was once again mostly self-inflicted.  After feeling ridiculous for awhile, I decided to knock it off.  I looked for more ways to treat myself, to delegate to others, and to simply cut myself some slack.  I learned (the hard way of course) to nurture myself.

That was several months ago and I’m still learning how to take better care of me.  I still work my ass off, but it’s easier to do when I’m not carrying resentment about it all day.  I can’t honestly say that I am my own top priority, but I at least make the top five.  Sure enough, the higher priority I make myself (something I’m still not entirely comfortable with), the happier we all seem to be.  I still often feel the weight of the world, but little by little, I’m learning to set it down.

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Posted in Stress, Work | 3 Comments »

New Rule

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

With a nod to Bill Maher, I begin this rant and shout, “New rule!  I will no longer listen to recordings of 911 calls under any circumstances!”  I have always been bothered by news stories that include an actual recording of the worst moments in someone’s life.  I absolutely cannot stand to listen to OnStar commercials on the radio.  Pregnant women in car accidents.  Children whose parents have collapsed.  I don’t need this.

But this week was the final straw.  I was in the car over lunch listening to the news.  There was a terrible story about a teenager who was set on fire.  Horrifying.  I clearly understood what had happened.  Was it really necessary to play the 911 call with the kid screaming in agony in the background?  It brought tears to my eyes and turned my stomach.  How long will it be before that gut-wrenching sound fades away in my brain?

So I am making a quality of life declaration.  I will change the channel.  I will not listen to the worst moment in someone’s life and then go on with my day.  I will stick my fingers in my ears and recite the Pledge of Allegiance if I have to.  But I will not allow 911 recordings into my consciousness any more.  So there.

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Posted in Stress, Wisdom | 4 Comments »

The Juggle

Friday, March 5th, 2010

For years, I’ve been reading about work/life balance.  I searched high and low for the answer to managing my crazy life.  Here’s what I learned – it’s all bullshit.

When I think of balance,  I think of a graceful yoga pose or a scale at rest after being evenly weighted.  Those serene images make a crap analogy for life.  Instead, I believe in the juggle.  I believe in trying my hardest to keep all the balls in the air.  Sometimes, I get in a groove and can have a conversation while I juggle with ease.  Other days, it’s awkward and frantic and it takes everything I’ve got to keep it all from crashing down.

Striving for balance always made me feel inadequate – like there was something I should be able to do but couldn’t.  I’m much more comfortable with the juggle.  That I can do.

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Posted in Stress, Work | 1 Comment »

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