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A Woman Should Have

Friday, August 20th, 2010

This list was originally published in the 90’s and has bounced around the internet a bajillion times.  It was written by New York Times Best-Selling Author, Pamela Redmond Satran, but is often mis-attributed by Maya Angelou.  Oh how I wish I wrote this! – but to be clear, I didn’t.   It’s a superb list though, of things women need to know about relationships, marriage, parenting and adulthood in general.

By the age of 30, a woman should have:

  1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.
  2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
  3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.
  4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.
  5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.
  6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
  7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.
  8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you.
  9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.
  10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.
  11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra.
  12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.
  13. The belief that you deserve it.
  14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.
  15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By the age of 30, a woman should know:

  1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.
  2. How you feel about having kids.
  3. How to quit a job, break up with a man and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.
  4. When to try harder and when to walk away.
  5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.
  6. The names of: the secretary of state, your great-grandmother and the best tailor in town.
  7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.
  8. How to take control of your own birthday.
  9. That you can’t change the length of your calves, the width of your hips or the nature of your parents.
  10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.
  11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.
  12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs or not flossing for very long.
  13. Who you can trust, who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
  14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.
  15. Why they say life begins at 30.

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Posted in Wisdom, Women | 1 Comment »

Thanks!

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

I’m always grateful for reader comments on this blog.  In fact, I’m grateful that anyone gives a flying fig what I have to say at all.  One comment recently really got me thinking.  Stefanie at What’s the Best that Can Happen (a great site – go check it out) commented, “I am finding that I need to reconnect with my friends even more now as the fog of those first few years with kids has lifted…”

This was an unexpected bit of validation for me.  I hadn’t recognized the diaper-induced fog that I’m muddling through.  And because I didn’t realize that I was in a tunnel, I also didn’t see the light at the end of it.  I feel so much better now!  Thanks Stefanie!

Other moms out there, did you withdraw from pieces of your life when your kids were little?  Did you come back?

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Posted in Gratitude, Kids, Wisdom, Women, Work | 5 Comments »

Letter to My 21-Year-Old Self

Monday, May 31st, 2010

Dear Me –
At 21, you are smart, beautiful and ambitious.  When asked what your long-term goals are, your pat answer is “world domination”…and you mean it.  You have the energy and the skills to kick butt and take names and your future is blindingly bright.  There’s only one thing that I, as your mid-thirties self, would change about you.

It will sound silly to you now, but I want you to learn to take better care of yourself.  No one is ever as hard on you as you are on yourself.  The self-imposed pressure you feel to work harder and be stronger will take its toll on you.  I want you to work less and smile more.  To worry less and play more.  To focus less on the end goal and more on enjoying the journey.  The sooner you embrace the idea of nurturing yourself, the happier you will be.

One way to do that is to know that the whole ‘good girl’ thing is WAY over rated.  Really give some thought to what you want and what you love to do.  Stop making life decisions based on what you think you’re supposed to do.  Your attempts to please the world will lead you in a difficult and ultimately pointless direction.  Just do what you want – it will be better than OK.

Another way to nurture yourself is to embrace the knowledge that you look gorgeous!  For heaven sake, spend less time, energy and money worrying that you don’t.  Honey, just enjoy it while it lasts.  Because it turns out that your body isn’t so good at pregnancy.  Your children, although healthy and beautiful, will do irreparable damage to your body.  You may not believe it now, but they are more than worth the sacrifice.  It would be nice though to have your cheekbones, waistline, and spinal integrity back.  But I digress.

Because you’re you, you rarely choose a smooth path.  Doing things the hard way seems to be interwoven into your DNA.  It toughens you, which is a mixed blessing.  The life that you make for yourself includes incredible highs and wrenching lows.  But you are far, far more blessed than most.  So loosen your grip a little and enjoy your life – it’s a good one.

I love you -

M

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Posted in Body Image, Stress, Wisdom, Women | 2 Comments »

25 Lessons I Wish I Had Learned WAY Sooner

Monday, May 3rd, 2010

When I think of my younger, thinner, stupider self, I think, “Holy crap.  If I knew then what I know now…”  Well, here are some of the things I wish I knew then.

  1. 1 out of 4 people that you meet won’t like you.  That’s really OK.
  2. Life isn’t fair.  Most of the time it’s not fair in your favor, so don’t whine about life not being fair.
  3. Save your money.
  4. No one knows what you’re thinking unless you tell them.
  5. Perfectionism will kill you.
  6. You’re stronger than you think you are.
  7. You think that sexism and racism were in the olden days.  They’re not.
  8. Comparing yourself to others is never a good idea.
  9. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.  People are consistent.
  10. Develop critical thinking skills and use them.
  11. Never hide your intelligence from anyone.
  12. Trust your instincts.
  13. 80% of everything is irrelevant
  14. Spend WAY less time worrying about the shape of your body.
  15. Stay away from credit cards.
  16. There are lots of men who will be nice to you.  Accept nothing less.
  17. Be nicer to yourself too.
  18. For the most part, it doesn’t matter what people think.  Follow your own truth.
  19. No education is wasted. Drink in as many new experiences as you can.
  20. Pay your dues.  Work hard.
  21. Networking is critical.
  22. Letting go of control is liberating.  Try it.
  23. Don’t treat anyone badly.  You’ll be surprised when they’ll pop up again in your life.
  24. Do what you love, not what you think you’re supposed to do.
  25. Don’t forget to enjoy your journey!

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Posted in Wisdom | 7 Comments »

5 Lessons We Should Stop Teaching Girls

Monday, April 5th, 2010

“Men who don’t like women with brains don’t like women.”
- Mignon McLaughlin

As the mother of a daughter, I want to be deliberate in how I raise her with the hope that she can avoid the hang-ups and pitfalls that I have wrestled with.  While I have learned countless invaluable lessons from the women who raised, nurtured and mentored me, there are a few things that I wish we, as women, could un-learn.

Clear your plate. Whether you’re hungry or not, keep eating until all of the food is gone.  Take one look at me and you will know that I took this one to heart.
New lesson: We don’t want to be wasteful, so don’t put too much on your plate.  Listen to your body.  When you feel full, stop eating.

Be ladylike. How many of us suppress our thoughts and feelings because we don’t want to inconvenience anyone with them?
New lesson: Be considerate, but always speak your mind!

Ambition is not an attractive quality. And thus we limit ourselves.
New lesson: Reach for the stars.  Toot your own horn.  Conquer the world.  And make a ton of money while you’re at it.

It’s not polite to talk about money. Women miss out on hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of a career because we’re not comfortable negotiating on our own behalf.
New lesson: Be discreet, but know what you’re worth and say so.  Once you earn it, you need to know how to manage it for yourself too.

He pushed you down on the playground because he likes you. What?!?
New lesson: No one gets to touch you without your permission.  Boys who really like you will not be mean to you.  He pushed you down because he’s an asshole.  Tell a grown-up and if it happens again, knock his block off.

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Posted in Kids, Wisdom, Women | 11 Comments »

100 Inspiring Quotes

Monday, March 29th, 2010

So many people have said so many things so much better than I will ever be able to.  Here are 100 of them.  I hope you find at least a few that speak to you.

  1. If you want to be happy, be.   – Leo Tolstoy
  2. The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.   – Mark Twain
  3. Happiness is excitement that has found a settling down place.  But there is always a little corner that keeps flapping around.   – E.L. Konigsburg
  4. Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys.  If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.   – Fyodor Dostoevsky
  5. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.   – Margaret Young
  6. This is my “depressed stance”.  When you’re depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand.  The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you’ll start to feel better.  If you’re going to get any joy out of being depressed, you’ve go to stand like this.   – Charlie Brown
  7. Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product.   – Eleanor Roosevelt
  8. Jumping for joy is good exercise.
  9. One joy scatters a hundred griefs.   – Chinese proverb
  10. My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate.   – Thornton Wilder
  11. Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.   – Robert Brault
  12. Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.   – Mahatma Gandhi
  13. All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.   – Walt Disney
  14. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.   – Eleanor Roosevelt
  15. Every now and then go away and have a little relaxation.  To remain constantly at work will diminish your judgment.  Go some distance away, because work will be in perspective and a lack of harmony is more readily seen.   – Leonardo DaVinci
  16. The path involves respect for all small and subtle things.  Learn to recognize the right moment to strike the necessary attitudes.   – Manual of the Warrior of Light
  17. I say “Out” to every negative thought that comes to my mind.  No person, place, or thing has any power over me, for I am the only thinker in my mind.  I create my own reality and everyone in it.   – Louise Hay
  18. The thing that is really hard and really amazing is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.    – Anna Quindlen
  19. I am woman!  I am invincible!  I am pooped!
  20. If you’re going through hell, keep going.   – Winston Churchill
  21. Your problem is you’re too busy holding onto your unworthiness.   – Ram Dass
  22. Trust your gut.   – Barbara Walters
  23. Action is the antidote to despair.   – Joan Baez
  24. She took the lea and built her wings on the way down.
  25. You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes.  You can steer yourself any direction you choose.  You’re on your own and you know what you know.  And you are the one who’ll decide where to go.   – Dr. Seuss
  26. You had the power all along my dear.   – Glinda the Good Witch.
  27. Today is a new day.   – Chicken Little
  28. When you reach for the stars you may not quite get one, but you won’t come up with a handful of mu either.   – Leo Burnett
  29. What the caterpillar calls a tragedy, the Master calls a butterfly.   – Richard Bach
  30. Earth’s crammed with heaven.   – Elizabeth Barrett Browning
  31. Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself.   – Michel de Montaigne
  32. She decided to enjoy more and endure less.
  33. I am unfolding in fulfilling ways.  Only good can come to me.  I now express health, happiness, prosperity, and peace of mind.
  34. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.  Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach.  Check your road and the nature of your battle.  The world you desire can be won.  It exists.  It is real.  It is possible.  It is yours.   – Ayn Rand
  35. There is a connection between self-nurturing and self-respect.   – Julia Cameron
  36. Know that joy is rarer, more difficult, and more beautiful than sadness.  Once you make this all-important discovery, you must embrace joy as a moral obligation.   – Andre Gide
  37. Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions all life is an experience.   – Ralph Waldo Emerson
  38. If the future road loom ominous or unpromising, and the road back uninviting, then we need to gather our resolve and, carrying only the necessary baggage, step off that road into another direction.   – Maya Angelou
  39. Breath in experience.   – Muriel Rukeyser
  40. Speak your mind even if your voice shakes.
  41. I rejoice in what I have and I know that fresh new experiences are always ahead.  I greet the new with open arms.  I trust life to be wonderful.   – Louise Hay
  42. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.   – Mae West
  43. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.   – Eleanor Roosevelt
  44. Sprinkle joy.   – Ralph Waldo Emerson
  45. He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home.   – Johann von Goethe
  46. She realized that she was missing a great deal by being sensible.
  47. She was kind and loving and patient…with herself.
  48. I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I’ve ended up where I needed to be.   – Douglas Adams
  49. You’ll never be sad if you remember all the good things that have happened to you.  Karolina Grekov
  50. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.
  51. Conquering any difficulty always gives on a secret joy, for it means pushing back a boundary line and adding to one’s liberty.   – Henri Frederic Amiel
  52. When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.
  53. People are crying up the rich and variegated plumage of the peacock, and he is himself blushing at the sight of his ugly feet.   – Sa’Di
  54. When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they take better care of it there.   – Cecil Selig
  55. A strong woman understands that the gifts such as logic, decisiveness, and strength are just as feminine as intuition and emotional connection.  She values and uses all of her gifts.   – Nancy Rathburn
  56. Everything you do prepares you for the next thing.   – John Abel
  57. It’s hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.   – Sally Kempton
  58. There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.   – Lemony Snicket
  59. A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at her   – David Brinkley
  60. Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be.   – Dorothy Parker
  61. I begin now, today, to open myself to ever-increasing prosperity.   – Louise Hay
  62. Seize the moment.  Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert.   – Erma Bombeck
  63. Anything you are good at contributes to happiness.  – Bertrand Russell
  64. The only way to save our dreams is by being generous with ourselves.   – The Pilgramage
  65. Never miss an opportunity to see anything that is beautiful.   – Janet Hobson
  66. There is plenty for everyone, including me.   – Louise Hay
  67. I focus my energy on my true intentions.  I will not be distracted by noise, chatter, or setbacks.  Patience, commitment, grace, and purpose will guide me.   – Louise Hay
  68. A strong woman understands the importance of creating space for personal well-being, spiritual nourishment, and regeneration in order to maintain her authenticity, especially when the universe whacks her with its two-by-four and hands her days when it takes a great deal of courage just to show up.   – Laura Folse
  69. Strength means recognizing that it is impossible to be strong all the time.   – Sally Franser
  70. Just go out there and do what you’ve got to do.   – Martina Navratilova
  71. You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.   – Mary Tyler Moore
  72. I breathe in the fullness and richness of life.  I observe with joy as life abundantly supports me and supplies me with more good than I can imagine.   – Louise Hay
  73. Keep breathing.   – Sophie Tucker
  74. Dwell in possibility.   – Emily Dickinson
  75. Improve your spare moments and they will become the brightest gems in your life.   – Ralph Waldo Emerson
  76. While you are upon the earth, enjoy the good things that are here.   – John Selden
  77. Women really do rule the world.  They just haven’t figured it out yet.  When they do, and they will, we’re all in big trouble.   – Dr. Leon
  78. It’s okay to be fat.  So you’re fat.  Just be fat and shut up about it.   – Roseanne
  79. I accept myself and create peace in my mind and heart.  I now choose to free myself from all destructive fears and doubts.  I am loved and I am safe.   – Louise Hay
  80. Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.   – Will Rogers
  81. She went out on a limb, had it break off behind her, and discovered she could fly.
  82. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.  Live the life you have imagined.   – Henry David Thoreau
  83. Nothing we learn in this world is ever wasted.   – Eleanor Roosevelt
  84. It doesn’t happen all at once.  You become.  It takes a long time.   – Margery Williams
  85. Nearly every glamorous, wealthy, successful career woman you might envy now started out as some kind of schlep.   – Helen Gurley Brown
  86. The future is here.  It’s just not evenly distributed.   – William Gibson
  87. As soon as people decide to confront a problem, they realize that they are far more capable than they thought they were.   – The Zahir
  88. She discovered that she was the one she’d been waiting for.
  89. Being strong means rejoicing in who you are, complete with imperfections.   – Margaret Woodhouse
  90. Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.   – John Lennon
  91. Happiness is a way of travel, not a destination.   – Roy Goodman
  92. Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.
  93. The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow but the rainbow won’t wait while you do the work.
  94. One of the greatest weaknesses in most of us is our lack of faith in ourselves.   – L. Tom Perry
  95. Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength.
  96. The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.   – Hans Hofmann
  97. Success is a lousy teacher.  It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.   – Bill Gates
  98. Joy is what happens when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.   – Marianne Williamson
  99. The joy of a spirit is the measure of its power.   – Ninon de l’Enclos
  100. Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path to joy.   – Sarah Ban Breathnach
  101. There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.   – Christopher Morley

Several of these came from Louise Hay, who is pretty terrific.  You can get daily affirmations at louisehay.com.  I recommend her book, You Can Heal Your Life.

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Posted in Wisdom | 10 Comments »

In the Moment

Friday, March 26th, 2010

Being truly present is new to me.  I have always been the one thinking about what’s coming next, or what I should be doing other than this.  As I am learning to demand my joy, I’m also learning to stop.  And breathe.  And experience where I am right now.  It is absolutely life changing.  I enjoy my relationships more, especially with my husband and children.  I taste my food.  I worry less.  I hear the birds singing and the wind blowing.  I appreciate all the details of the world around me that have for so long gone completely ignored.  I notice and enjoy everything that feels good to my mind, my body and my spirit.  ‘Stop and smell the roses’ means something completely different to me than ever before.  It means, “Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing and experience these beautiful roses.”

Am I finally catching on to the obvious?  Or is transforming from overworked stress ball to simple abundance truly just a shift in perspective?  Either way, it’s pretty awesome.

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Posted in Wisdom | 1 Comment »

50 Lists to Write to Lift Your Spirits

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

As a structural thinker, I love to make lists.  Getting everything out of my head and down on paper in an orderly fashion puts me at ease.  Rather than grocery lists and to-do lists, try some of these.  They’re sort of an inventory of your life and all the good things in it.  If your brain is more creative, your lists can be graphical or in the form of a mind map – whatever speaks to you.  This is a brainstorming activity, so list as many as you can without editing or limiting yourself.  There are no wrong answers – this is for you and about you.  Enjoy!

List as many as you can:

  1. People who have influenced or inspired you
  2. Things you are grateful for
  3. Places you have been
  4. Places you want to go
  5. Books you’ve read
  6. Your favorite things – what brings you joy?
  7. Good things that happened this week
  8. The best things that happened in the last year
  9. The best days of your life.
  10. The songs for the soundtrack of your life
  11. Acts of kindness you’ve committed
  12. Things you want your children to know about you
  13. Reasons why you love your significant other
  14. The high points for your autobiography
  15. People who love you
  16. The cutest things your kids ever said
  17. Everything you would do if money were no object
  18. Favorite gifts you’ve ever received
  19. Favorite gifts you’ve ever given
  20. Occupations that you have ever wanted to have (including when you were a child)
  21. The best advice you’ve gotten.
  22. The worst advice you’ve gotten.
  23. Things you’re procrastinating
  24. Ways you calm yourself down when you’re angry.
  25. The best ideas you’ve ever had
  26. The best projects or organizations you’ve ever been involved with
  27. The ways you have grown since your early 20’s
  28. The most beautiful things you’ve ever seen
  29. The greatest lessons you have learned
  30. Life’s lessons that you learned the hard way
  31. Things that have mad you laugh until you cried.
  32. Qualities you most admire in others
  33. Qualities others most admire in you
  34. The elements of an ideal year
  35. All the compliments you’ve ever gotten
  36. Foods that you have eaten that are so good that others could hear you enjoying them
  37. The times you have asserted yourself
  38. Things that inspire and energize you
  39. The places where you feel completely comfortable to be yourself
  40. The most important turning points in your life
  41. Times when you looked and felt your absolute best
  42. The things you’re good at
  43. What you would do with the power of invisibility
  44. Things you want to teach your children
  45. Things you still want to do in life
  46. Bits of trivia that most people don’t know about you
  47. The things you love about your body
  48. Accomplishments you are most proud of
  49. The things you love about your home
  50. Who (living or dead) you would invite to your dream dinner party

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Posted in Gratitude, Positivity, Wisdom | 3 Comments »

New Rule

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

With a nod to Bill Maher, I begin this rant and shout, “New rule!  I will no longer listen to recordings of 911 calls under any circumstances!”  I have always been bothered by news stories that include an actual recording of the worst moments in someone’s life.  I absolutely cannot stand to listen to OnStar commercials on the radio.  Pregnant women in car accidents.  Children whose parents have collapsed.  I don’t need this.

But this week was the final straw.  I was in the car over lunch listening to the news.  There was a terrible story about a teenager who was set on fire.  Horrifying.  I clearly understood what had happened.  Was it really necessary to play the 911 call with the kid screaming in agony in the background?  It brought tears to my eyes and turned my stomach.  How long will it be before that gut-wrenching sound fades away in my brain?

So I am making a quality of life declaration.  I will change the channel.  I will not listen to the worst moment in someone’s life and then go on with my day.  I will stick my fingers in my ears and recite the Pledge of Allegiance if I have to.  But I will not allow 911 recordings into my consciousness any more.  So there.

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Posted in Stress, Wisdom | 4 Comments »

Ten Ways to Keep a Husband

Monday, March 15th, 2010

Willis and I have been married for 15 years.  Better and worse, sickness and health,  richer and poorer – we’ve lived through it all.  I don’t think that either one of us are particularly easy to live with, but we’ve smoothed out the bumps over the years and settled into a comfy equilibrium.  He could probably write a dissertation on how to stay married from a man’s perspective, but as a wife, here’s what I’ve learned over the past decade and a half about keeping a husband.

  1. Good food and good sex.  It’s a cliché, but if their stomachs and libidos are happy, you’re off to an excellent start.
  2. Men need to be needed.  This took me a long time to learn.  I was raised to believe that I can do for myself.  I don’t need anyone to take care of me.  And I don’t.  But once I learned to let him be my knight in shining armor, life improved for both of us.
  3. Physical contact.  I read a study once (and I kick myself for not keeping track of the citation) that found a strong correlation between healthy, long-lasting marriages and the number of non-sexual touches in a day.  Little things like putting your hand on his knee when he’s driving or when he walks behind you through a doorway and touches the small of your back.  In this study, sex didn’t count because technically, you can have sex with someone you don’t even like.  But physical affection was shown to strengthen the bond between partners.
  4. Treat him as you want to be treated.  All of the things that women want, men want too.  Hold your tongue if you have something unkind to say.  Be courteous.  Listen when he speaks.  Treat him as your equal.
  5. Have high expectations of each other.  Anyone who wants to be treated as an equal needs to step up and be an equal.  Therefore, nobody gets a free pass based on their gender.  This includes everything from not dating outside the marriage to pitching in with the dishes.  Being a man is an excuse for nothing.  Men and women are equally capable of good behavior.
  6. Be free and easy with the compliments.  Another thing that my husband does better than I do.  But men need to hear that they look good just as much as women.  Tell him you love him often and tell him why often.  My rule of thumb is every time I think something nice about him, I make a point of saying it out loud.
  7. Trust, honesty and respect.  There is no relationship without these things.  Like I tell my 5-year-old, if you have to be sneaky, it means that you’re doing the wrong thing.
  8. Work it out.  Your marriage can’t last forever unless you truly believe that it will.  Willis and I agreed early on to not even think about divorce, let along suggest it unless something truly cataclysmic happens, like infidelity, violence, substance abuse, criminal activity, etc. (I’m happy to say that we struggle with none of these things).   Aside from these deal breakers, hang on tight and get through the hard times.
  9. Make him your priority.  My marriage is the foundation for my life and for my children’s lives.  So even though it would be very easy to lose each other in the shuffle of our lives, it benefits everyone to put our relationship first.
  10. Have fun!  Laughter is important.  If you enjoy each others company, you’re more motivated to keep the spark alive.

What else?  What other tips do you have for keeping your relationships healthy?

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Posted in Marriage, Wisdom | 34 Comments »

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