Archive for the ‘Joy’ Category

Spending Time With Yourself

Friday, August 12th, 2011

I’m trying out a new meditation exercise that I really like.  It may seem a little strange, but stay with me.

After finding a quiet, comfy place, close your eyes and spend a few minutes focusing on your breathing and quieting your mind.  If you’re like me, getting your brain to be still is the hardest part.

After you feel relaxed and in a meditative place, imagine yourself at your very best.  A completely healthy, happy, successful you.  Whatever it is that you would like to change in your life, imagine who you will be once you have accomplished that goal.

In your mind, the current you and the idealized you should spend some time getting to know one another.  For example, in my mind, the current me and the best possible me like to dance together, row a boat in a mountain lake together, even fly together.  I imagine my current self and my ideal self embracing one another.  Sharing secrets.  Enjoying one another’s company.

In this exercise, your ideal self would never criticize your current self, but wants to befriend, support and nurture you.  You love you!

As your current and ideal selves become acquainted, notice not only their differences, but also their similarities.  Feel the joy of achieving your goals and becoming the next iteration of yourself.  Delight in the merging of your ideal self and your pretty-damn-good-already self into one.

Enjoy this quiet time with you.  Keep breathing.  And let me know how it goes!

A Big Life

Monday, July 18th, 2011

It occurred to me recently that my life has gotten kind of small.  I go to work and I come home.  That’s about it.

I suppose this is somewhat normal for people with small children.  Kids take up all of your time, energy and focus – and rightfully so.  But now that my youngest is nearly potty trained and fiercely independent, I’m feeling the itch to expand my horizons a bit.

I was discussing this with my sister E this week.  She is my most reliable commiserator (that’s a word!) and confidante.  During our conversation, she told me about a woman she met who was in her 80’s who had run a chicken farm.  And she was a competitive ballroom dancer.  And she was a scuba diving expert who specialized in photographing sharks.  The list of interesting facts about this woman was seemingly endless.

Someday I want to be that old lady looking back on a life full of amazing experiences.  I want to have a big life.  I want to raise my kids and love every moment of their lives, but I also want to speak foreign languages and tap dance, and be a gourmet cook, and travel the world, and be a writer and speaker and mentor.  I want to create lots of different things.  I want to take a class…no, I always want to be taking a class.  I want to be creative and intellectual and worldly.  I want to be fascinated and fascinating.  I want my children to have big lives too based on my example.

So, I enrolled in a silversmithing class this fall and Willis is looking for an Italian instructor for the both of us.  It’s a good start.  I just turned 38.  If I’m lucky, I have 30 or 40 years to fill up with learning and adventure.  To get my life as big as I want it to be, I’d better get started now.

Pervasive Joy – the Seed of an Idea

Thursday, June 30th, 2011

Let's shmear joy all over the place!

While I was in Italy trying my best not to be productive, my brain went on an adventure of its own.  I’ve long believed that joy is sprinkled everywhere you look and you only have to learn to recognize and claim those bits.  But as I was standing at the top of an Italian mountain in the garden of a monastery, openly weeping at the overwhelmingly beautiful view, it occurred to me – What if bits of joy could be strung together like a necklace?  Or what if the joy bits could be stretched and expanded so that they overlap?  What if I can find a way to make joy pervasive in my life, weaving it in and out of all of my thoughts?

In my real, non-European-vacation life, I make a lot of compromises.  I eat the most convenient food rather than the best food.  I don’t listen to music that makes my spirit dance because it’s easier to listen to whatever is on the radio.  I don’t take a walk because it’s easier to sit for half an hour in front of the television.  I let weariness take things from me.

These are not purposeful, deliberate sacrifices.  They’re me not making the best choices for myself.  For whatever deep-seated psychological reasons, I haven’t fully embraced and internalized the concept of self-nurturing.  An interesting revelation.

So what would life be if every moment, we made the most nurturing, kind, joyful choices?  What would happen in my life if every moment, I always choose the best option available for myself.

I haven’t quite settled back into my daily routine at home yet, but I’m anxious to try out ‘pervasive joy’.  No more food delivered through a window.  No more days without music.  No more background noise.  No more sacrifices that don’t benefit anyone.

I’m going to enroll in the silversmithing class I’ve had my eye on for five years.  I’m going to schedule the massage appointment I’ve been thinking about for six months. I’m updating my iTunes account today.

I will still change diapers and go to work and fold laundry, but my intention is to see those things from a different perspective.  Rather than a mundane exercise in yuckiness, the diaper table is a place where I can talk with my daughter.  My morning commute can be a stolen moment of privacy and reflection rather than the road to a long hard day.

I still have some thinking to do about ‘pervasive joy’, and I will report any changes I experience as I put it into practice.  In the mean time, what’s your reaction to ‘pervasive joy’?  How would you string together the beads of joy in your life?

A Much Needed Rest

Tuesday, June 28th, 2011

The view from the terrace of our apartment

It’s been nearly a month since I’ve written anything – longer than I had hoped.  I’ve put the time to good use though.  First, my brother got married to a wonderful woman this month.  I am thrilled to have a new sister.  She’s been part of the family for quite a while, but now it’s official!

At the same time, Willis was working in Italy for a good chunk of the summer.  I had two weeks of wedding preparations, plus single parenting, plus preparing to join him overseas.  High class problems to be sure, but a busy and stressful time nonetheless.

However, the payoff was amazing.  I was able to spend almost two weeks in Italy before returning home with Willis.  I had the extreme good fortune to leave all of my stresses and responsibilities behind and give my mind, my body and my spirit complete rest.  No decisions.  No obligations.  Just good food,  beautiful wine, wonderful friends and beauty everywhere I looked.

I am re-energized and inspired to take my joy to the next level.  I have a long list of post topics which I can’t wait to write.

So thank you for your patience during my ‘sabbatical’ and as always, thanks for being interested in my scribblings.

Ciao!

~Meg

I Could Not Be Happier

Thursday, May 19th, 2011

For some time now, I’ve been trying to make a habit of harvesting every little bit of joy in each day.  Some days I’m good at it, some days not so much.  It’s a habit still in the making.

This past week though, I was able to take some bits of joy to the next level.  I’ve had moments in time when I thought, “Right now, I could not be any happier.”

For example, I sat on my back steps and watched my brother teach my son how to swing a bat.  I had a glass of wine.  The weather was warm with a gentle breeze.  We had just eaten a nice dinner and Willis was doing the dishes.  Pinky was playing on the swing with my sister-in-law.  Everything in that moment was just exactly right and my spirit smiled.

On another night, G asked if we could write in his journal rather than read a story.  So we snuggled up under the covers.  He dictated and I wrote all about his day.  His t-ball game.  A helicopter he saw.  His new retainer.  All of the important items.  After the words were written, he illustrated.  I felt really close to him – it was a great moment.

The next day, I met Willis for lunch.  It felt like a stolen date in the middle of the day.  We talked about nothing in particular, but it was nice.  As he was explaining some technical problem he was having at work, I looked at his handsomeness.  My heart swelled and I thought, “At this moment, I could not be happier.”

These moments are fleeting of course.  The phone will ring, or a diaper will need changing or any of a gazillion other obligations will pop up.  But that’s OK because I am savoring these snippets of time.  I’m happy when I catch that green light in traffic or when I feel the soft coolness of my pillow at the end of the day, but these special moments go beyond happiness to joy.

It’s possible that these moments have been happening all along and I just wasn’t present enough to claim them and enjoy them.  Evidently practice makes perfect.

The Basics of Demanding Joy

Thursday, April 28th, 2011

When I began my journey to demand joy, I thought that being joyful was something that I could learn how to do and then it would be done.  I would be joyful.  I thought I could locate the joy switch and flip it on.  I have learned what you probably already knew – it’s not that simple.

Turns out that joy is a kind of energy – it ebbs and flows.  It needs to be nurtured and maintained.  Once you start to create and identify your joy, you have to keep at it.  And like any habit you’re trying to change, some days you’re successful and some days you fall of the wagon and have to begin again.  Sometimes I fee vibrant and sometimes I have to remind myself to take care of me.

In those instances, I go back to the Basics of Demanding Joy:

  • Water – Drink plenty.
  • Sleep – You can’t be at your best when you’re exhausted.  Sometimes the best medicine is a nap.
  • Breath – A good deep breath works wonders.  Try it several times throughout the day and any time you feel anxious or stressed.  It’s a quick way to recenter yourself.
  • Silence – Even just a few minutes a day of peace and quiet to breathe and gather your thoughts can make a world of difference to your stress levels.
  • Movement – It’s hard to feel vibrant without getting your blood pumping.  A good stretch, a brisk walk, a fun dance – feels great!
  • Gratitude – It always boils down to this for me.  The more I focus on the blessings in my life – large and small – the more joyful I am.

That’s usually enough to get me started back on the right track.  Once I get comfortable with these, I add more ways to nurture myself.  I imagine that someday, all of these will become second nature and I won’t have to work at it quite so hard.  Until then, I will keep practicing!

Books + Solitude = Joy

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

I would like to spend a couple of days on this particular couch please.

One of our local libraries has a book sale every so often.  They sell books pulled from circulation as well as books donated by the community.  I don’t get to the book sale very often, but last weekend, I negotiated a little time away from the house and kids by myself.

I love books.  My house is full of them and I hope to spend my life surrounded by them.  I find them comforting.

I also love solitude.  It’s hard to come by sometimes, but a little peace and quiet to spend with my thoughts is a lovely thing.

I spent less than eight bucks on my outing to the book sale, but I had nearly an hour of browsing.

Heaven.

The Power of a Compliment

Thursday, March 24th, 2011

I have a friend who has an amazing gift for making those around him feel good.  If he thinks something nice about you, he’s the kind of guy who will pick up the phone to tell you that he’s thinking nice things about you.  He observes the admirable qualities of others – out loud.

He has inspired me.  I’m trying to be much more generous with my compliments.  I told a perfect stranger in the elevator yesterday, “Yay for those shoes!”

I sent an e-mail to a co-worker telling her that I think she does great work.  My job is similar to hers and I told her that I hope I can do half as good a job at it as she does.

I’m trying to be more conscientious about telling Willis how handsome and talented and appreciated he is.

Turns out, it’s nearly impossible to feel crabby when you’re saying something complimentary to someone else.  My attempts to give more of myself to others has given me a real boost.  Giving compliments feels slightly counter-intuitive to me, but I’m determined to make it a new habit.  I like it!

I propose that we all give it a try.  Say something nice to five people today about themselves and see how it makes you feel.  Let me know how it goes!

Today I Am a Good Mom

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you’re feeling festive?  – Roseanne

There are days when I think my kids got the short end of the stick when they got me.  Days when I curse too near their little ears.  When I let them eat nachos for breakfast and sleep in their clothes.  When they’re acting like rotten brats and I have to bit my tongue to keep from yelling, “go away and leave me alone!”

Today is not that day.  G voluntarily got out of bed extra early this morning so he could eat breakfast with me.  While Willis was getting Pinky dressed, I came around the corner.  Her little face burst into a smile and she said, “Hi Mommy!” Both kids even voluntarily helped me pick up all the toys in the TV room before school. 

I’m listening to the two of them playing and laughing together nicely.  For this moment, there is no hitting, no tattling, no screams of “mine!”  They like each other, which fills me with pride.

Tomorrow may be the day that I make their future therapists wealthy, but today my kids are happy and healthy and kind and wonderful.  Today I am a good mom.

Make Time to Celebrate

Friday, February 18th, 2011

Pinky and I have been reading together.  Her favorite books are Good Night Gorilla, Curious George and Dinosaur Combat – ?!  We’ve read these stories so often, I can recite them from memory.  And at the end of each story, she claps enthusiastically and we yell, “Yay!”  We celebrate each and every book, each and every time.

I think Pinky’s on to something.  Life moves so quickly.  You finish one thing and move right on to the next thing without even taking a breath.  I propose that we all slow down for a moment and think about adding more celebration into our lives.  It doesn’t have to be a ticker tape parade, but a few moments of “I finished this spreadsheet and my numbers balance – hooray!” or “We’re all home for diner together this evening.  Let’s raise a glass to us!”  “I got a fantastic parking spot.  Happy dance!”

I’ll wager that there are dozens of things during each day worthy of at least a mental ‘yipee’.  When good things happen or when you accomplish something, take a second to appreciate it!  A few well-placed ‘yay!’s will go a long way to brighten your day.  So Celebrate!