Archive for the ‘Joy’ Category

Saved By the Books

Monday, August 23rd, 2010

I claimed a bit of joy last week.  The past two weeks have been crazy.  In addition to our normal family scurrying, there was something going on every night – a meeting, or an appointment, or a lesson.  All I wanted to do was come home and have a quiet meal with Willis and the kids.  Maybe throw in a load of laundry.  But instead, I was grabbing a burger in the car on my way from one place to the next – again.  It was two straight weeks of go, go, go and I was worn out.

Towards the end of this hectic time, I was surprised to find an unclaimed hour in my day.  It would take me ½ hour to get to my meeting, but I didn’t need to be there for 90 minutes.  I drove towards my destination trying to remember what errands needed to be run and thinking about how I could squeeze some productivity out of this extra time.

Then I saw it.  Coming up on the right was a Barnes & Noble.  “Hey!  I can do something fun with this time!  Why didn’t I think of that?”  And that’s just what I did.  I spent a whole hour in a bookstore.  By myself!

I browsed through the books about architecture and design.  I scanned fiction that I haven’t read yet.  I lingered in the bargain books.  I love books and I love solitude.  I was in heaven.

I may have looked like a completely normal person to other shoppers, but in my head, I was screaming, “Whee!  I’m free!”  I looked at the kids in the children’s section.  “Do any of them need to pee?  I don’t care!  Wahoo!”  Perhaps I need to get out more.

Nonetheless, it was just the boost I needed.  We’re through the busy time on this month’s calendar, so I can get back to my time with Willis, Pinky & G.  I’m grateful for that and I’m extremely grateful for that gift of a free hour.

Mandatory Family Fun Time

Monday, August 16th, 2010

When I was maybe 13, my family went on a road trip.  My parents and my two siblings piled into the Ford Fairmont and drove for what seemed like an eternity to Minnesota where we had a rented cabin on a lake.  Here’s what I remember about this trip:  Dad yelled.  A lot.  The rest of us did some crying.  There was sand and dirt everywhere – in our beds, in the food, everywhere.  I remember my mother working like a slave to keep us fed, clean and occupied in our primitive home away from home.  I can’t imagine that this was a vacation for her.  I spent most of the week playing video games in the main lodge or begging for more quarters.  Even at 13, I thought, “Why are we doing this?”

Now I think I know.  I make G go for walk with the rest of us even though he’s bored and whines the whole time.  I drag poor Pinky to restaurants she’s too little to appreciate and then work my ass off trying to keep her entertained long enough for everyone to eat.  Because we are a family.  We are going to enjoy each others’ company, godammit.  Imagine my hand smacking my own forehead after I heard my mother’s voice come straight out of my mouth, “We are having fun so KNOCK IT OFF!”

I hope that Pinky & G will have happy childhood memories (as I do).  If I have to drag them kicking and screaming into happiness, so be it.

Just For Fun

Friday, August 13th, 2010

When is the last time you did something silly for no other purpose than fun?  If you’re like me, up to your eyeballs in diapers and spreadsheets, you can’t remember the last time.  Adulthood can sometimes suck, so let’s reclaim a bit of childhood and try something frivolous today.  Here are some suggestions:

  • Build something out of Legos
  • Log roll down a grassy hill
  • Play with Silly Putty
  • Blow bubbles through a straw
  • Make a silly face at someone who isn’t expecting it
  • Twirl around and make yourself dizzy
  • Make up a song and sing it loudly on the spot
  • Dress up in a crazy costume – not for Halloween

Think about something silly you used to love as a kid.  Now go do it.  Do you smile just thinking about it?  Please let me know what your silly thing is and how it makes you feel.

Enjoy!

Non-Linear Joy

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

I am a very structural and analytical thinker.  Perhaps that’s why demanding my joy has been a challenge for me.  My expectation is that if I do activity A, I will achieve result B.  This has proven to be a ridiculous expectation.

It would be nice if I could put a check mark on my list next to “get happy” and call it done.  But alas, that’s not how it works.  I’ll be happy when…I meet Prince Charming, when I win the lottery, when I lose 20 pounds.  Nope.  The answer is always “Now.”  I can find joy in this very moment, or not.

Joy is available to us at all times, but usually in little bits to be noticed and harvested rather than in the big hunks that most of us are waiting for.  You often have to be still and present to see them, but there they are – those little bits of randomly floating happiness just waiting to be plucked.  And even when you develop the habit of recognizing and grabbing those smidgeons of joy, the energy of it ebbs and flows.  Joy needs nurturing and maintenance.  The work of being joyful gets easier with practice and it’s absolutely worth the effort, but that work is never done.  Fortunately, joy is cumulative.  The more bits you claim, the happier you are!

Just like laundry and dishes, you have to make joy anew every day.  Ha!  What a dismal analogy for something so wonderful!

So take a moment to look around you throughout the day today.  The first sip of coffee, a soft pillow, saying good morning to your family, hitting that green traffic light, warm sunshine, comfy shoes, your favorite song…How many little pieces of happiness can you find that you usually overlook?  By focusing on them and giving them each gratitude, even for just a moment – How do you feel?

Paying It Forward

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

A hundred years ago when I was waiting tables for a living, it only took one really good tip to make my whole night a good one.  Likewise, it only took one jerk to ruin a shift.  Isn’t it amazing how it really takes so little to make or break your mood?  One compliment brightens your day and one insult destroys it.

If it takes so little positive energy to have such a large impact, imagine what you could do with an intention of purposefully spread joy?  Try it as an experiment today.  Tell someone that color looks great on them.  Or thank someone who isn’t expecting it.  Wish someone good luck.  Do an act of kindness.  Watch how the other person reacts.  Then notice how it made you feel.

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”   – Mark Twain

PS – Did I mention that you look incredible today?

Sneak Attack

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

I had an unexpected bit of joy today.  I reached for some feminine hygiene supplies and found a small army of Lego warriors hiding out in the box.  It made me laugh out loud.

Pinky Speaks!

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010


The baby is 8 months old now.  She’s fairly opinionated and maker her wishes known quite clearly.  However, she is just beginning to be verbal.  She knows that singing is “lalala”.  When Willis walks into the room, she lights up and proclaims, “Da!”  But the word that is the clearest is “Mama” and it’s the best thing ever.

Tall Time

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

Since I’ve had my second child, I’m reminded of the necessity of dating my husband. With diapers and night feedings and work and laundry and the other 4 million things that demand our attention each day, it would be the easiest thing in the world for Willis and I to lose track of each other. We used to take time out to be a couple regularly, but we’ve fallen out of the habit.

For example, when G turned four, Willis and I went to Disney Land to celebrate – without him.   Lots of cocktails and spa treatments to go with roller coasters and fireworks.  Very romantic.  Probably why we got pregnant again.

(Side note:  Beware of Cirque du Soleil!  I know of four different couples who got pregnant immediately after seeing a show.  Something about all those bendy people…)

But with our daily juggles in addition to the birth of our daughter, we’ve become complacent about keeping our marriage vibrant.  One recent Saturday evening after we spent the day together driving to swimming lessons, buying groceries, pulling some weeds and cleaning the house, I looked at him and said, “I miss you.”

So, we have officially reinstated “Tall Time”.   On our next date, we will toast to us, to enjoying each other, and to not being responsible for anyone else’s pee for a few hours.  Cheers!

The Sun Came Out!

Monday, March 1st, 2010

This has been the grayest, most depressing winter I can remember.  For months, I’ve been taking the kids to school in the sub-zero darkness.  Snow that fell on Christmas is still on the ground weeks after Valentines Day.

I saw my doctor this week (for something unrelated).  She said that everyone feels terrible, everyone has gained weight, and that people are on more and more pills to get through until spring.

And then, without warning, the sun came out.  The entire city stopped for a moment, confused about what was happening after so much time in the grayness.  And even though it was still cold, we all turned our faces toward this amazing brightness.

I did pretty well this winter.  I kept busy and stayed positive.  I didn’t feel like I was struggling with the lack of sunlight, but now that the sun has finally appeared, I feel amazing!  It’s only the first hint of spring, but it’s worth of a celebration.  We made it through!

The 100 Things Challenge

Monday, February 15th, 2010

“It’s hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.”  – Sally Kempton

If you’re anything like me, the biggest obstacle to demanding your joy is the negativity in your own head.  It’s so true that we are our own worst enemy.  When I first really tuned in to my own self-talk, I was disturbed to find how negative and cynical it was.  I would NEVER let someone talk to me the way I was talking to myself!  Paying attention to my inner voice and making sure that it is supportive and friendly rather than allowing that voice to tear me down all day has made a significant difference in how I feel emotionally and physically.

There’s an exercise I’ve tried that really surprised me in its effectiveness in lifting my spirits.  I highly recommend making a list of 100 things that you like about yourself.  At first it would be much easier to list the things you don’t like about yourself, but that’s exactly the problem – our self criticism is so much closer to the surface than our self love.

You don’t have to share the list with anyone.  100 sounds like a lot, but after the first 10 or 15, they start to flow more easily.  The benefits for me were not only in the list itself, but in the process of putting as many compliments to myself as I could think of down on paper.  I hope that you will be pleasantly surprised at how great you are too!

So this is my challenge to you.  Can you juggle?  Are you super smart?  Have you conquered a difficult situation?  Do you have graceful hands?  Are you really kind-hearted?  Do you have a great ass?  How many things can you think of about yourself that you really like?  It can be anything from physical attributes to personality traits, to skills and talents to things you have achieved – as long as it’s something that you enjoy about yourself.

Have fun with this and please let me know how it goes!